Being home has been a crazy blur!
I have done so many things I don't even remember what day some of them were! I went to a basketball supporting one of my friends who survived her treatment for breast cancer, I saw The Nutcracker, I hung out with one of my teachers who has become one of my dear friends, I went to a fifth birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese, and I had a fun green themed evening with my sister and her friend! (we had Grinch floats, made corn flake wreaths, and watched The Grinch)
After all of this I found myself getting caught up in all of these things and not paying attention to myself in multiple ways.
One of these ways was physical. My throat started hurting the night after I got home and it just went down hill from there. I wasn't sleeping enough and I wasn't eating well and it messed me up. I am still feeling sick but I don't have strep throat so that is definitely a plus! I have a cough now but hopefully my body flushes this illness out quickly!!
The next way I haven't been caring for myself since I have been home is spiritually. I have been getting into the Word pretty consistently but I have found myself not taking advantage of that time but instead just looking at it as something to check off my daily to do list or replacing it with something that I trick myself into thinking is better.
Anyways, I am thankful to have realized all of this so that I can be more aware of it over the rest of break.
I have been really thankful that God has been showing me a lot about grace this week. I feel like He has put me in specific situations where I have to give some extra grace. It is such an important way to show others Christ in me and something I need to be more intentional with while I am home where it is so much harder to do.
As far as my family goes being home has been better than I expected. There has definitely been fights and rough days but overall we have laughed a lot and have been getting along pretty well.
I am really thankful that although it can be hard to be home and not have a ton of friends here I have friends at school who have been keeping in contact with me, holding me accountable, and Snapchatting me! ;)
It is so fun that even when I am not with my friends we can still talk often. It is so valuable to me. I already know it is going to be hard to be away from my close friends for three more weeks but at least social media makes it possible to keep in touch when we are apart!
As Christmas is rapidly approaching I am realizing more and more every day the importance of remembering daily the reason for the season. Not only is it important to remember this but it is important for me to live this out all the time. As I am doing a study on advent I am learning what that looks like.
After the shooting that occurred this week I was kind of shaken up. As a future educator it got me thinking how I would react in that situation. It is scary to think about the ways people act and the ways people are affected by others behavior.
It also made me think about God's consistency again. No matter what evil and bad things happen in the world God is always good and he is always watching out for us. To be honest, it was hard for me not to doubt Gods goodness in this situation but then it hit me-people are broken, God can never be broken.
How could I possibly doubt the goodness of an unbreakable God?
It just made me all the more thankful and humbled that I am a servant of a perfect and holy God.
Thanks for reading friends! I pray you are enjoying your break! Please let me know if there are any ways I can be praying for you!
Sending love from Naperville!
Allison
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Monday, December 10, 2012
Stand Firm.
I am writing this post at a time of struggle.
I was really excited to go home this weekend and am now dreading it. I was even making a Christmas bucket list that I was looking forward to accomplishing with my sister and friends (not that that won't still happen) but then my mom told me she is struggling with something again that makes me so angry.
I didn't even know how to react. The first reaction that I had was to just cry. I hurt for her. I long for her to be healthy. I want going home to be good but I just know due to my anger it is going to be hard to control that.
After crying and being VERY angry and both of us sending angry and hostile texts back and forth I had to stop and just think.
I first had to remember promises of my perfect Parent. My parents, my siblings,and my friends will never be the way I want them to be and I need to accept that they aren't perfect and remember that I have a perfect God who meets and exceeds all exceptions. (This is something I have been wrestling with all semester.)
I came to the realization that I struggle and have temptations too and if God has grace for me then he most definitely has grace for my mom. I was also reminded that her sin struggles are in no way better or worse than mine. We are on even ground and I need to be respectful to her because of that.
I realized all these things about my mom but I also realized some things about myself and my personal relationship with the Lord in these few short hours. It always amazes me how God can use such a negative situation positively.
I was listening to a song by The David Crowder Band (my favorite Christian band) and one of the lyrics was "what I need is for you to bring me back on my feet."
That is exactly what I needed. I needed to be encouraged by the Lord that he is constant and always there and he did just that. He showed me that only he can bring me back on my feet and back into a firm relationship with Him. Just as the name of this blog states, God brought me light today. He showed me the importance of standing firm on his name.
I know I am going to need to rely on God so much as I go home and to fight the good fight. My prayer as I go home for myself is that God would deliver me, guide me, and strengthen me because I am going to need these things.
The really cool thing is that God can take hold of this if I give it up to him and I am grateful for his ability to do so. I know God can pull me through any and all situations that I will ever face and I am thankful for the promise of a perfect eternity.
I am praying that I am seeking to find worth in the Lord and in His love for me rather than the lack of care I am feeling from people and in the world.
To a few happier things...this morning I got to babysit with a friend for the staff kids for Cru. It is always nice to get off campus and kids make me so happy so that was really great to do that.
I really am excited for my winter break bucket list!! I will probably end up blogging about it a couple times over break! I have a huge list of like thirty things so hopefully I get them all accomplished.
In Nineteen days I leave on my cruise! Another very exciting thing to look forward to.
Friends, thank you for reading and partnering in life with me. I really appreciate you.
Enjoy your breaks and good luck on the rest of your finals (if you have them!)!
Love you all!
Allison
I was really excited to go home this weekend and am now dreading it. I was even making a Christmas bucket list that I was looking forward to accomplishing with my sister and friends (not that that won't still happen) but then my mom told me she is struggling with something again that makes me so angry.
I didn't even know how to react. The first reaction that I had was to just cry. I hurt for her. I long for her to be healthy. I want going home to be good but I just know due to my anger it is going to be hard to control that.
After crying and being VERY angry and both of us sending angry and hostile texts back and forth I had to stop and just think.
I first had to remember promises of my perfect Parent. My parents, my siblings,and my friends will never be the way I want them to be and I need to accept that they aren't perfect and remember that I have a perfect God who meets and exceeds all exceptions. (This is something I have been wrestling with all semester.)
I came to the realization that I struggle and have temptations too and if God has grace for me then he most definitely has grace for my mom. I was also reminded that her sin struggles are in no way better or worse than mine. We are on even ground and I need to be respectful to her because of that.
I realized all these things about my mom but I also realized some things about myself and my personal relationship with the Lord in these few short hours. It always amazes me how God can use such a negative situation positively.
I was listening to a song by The David Crowder Band (my favorite Christian band) and one of the lyrics was "what I need is for you to bring me back on my feet."
That is exactly what I needed. I needed to be encouraged by the Lord that he is constant and always there and he did just that. He showed me that only he can bring me back on my feet and back into a firm relationship with Him. Just as the name of this blog states, God brought me light today. He showed me the importance of standing firm on his name.
I know I am going to need to rely on God so much as I go home and to fight the good fight. My prayer as I go home for myself is that God would deliver me, guide me, and strengthen me because I am going to need these things.
The really cool thing is that God can take hold of this if I give it up to him and I am grateful for his ability to do so. I know God can pull me through any and all situations that I will ever face and I am thankful for the promise of a perfect eternity.
I am praying that I am seeking to find worth in the Lord and in His love for me rather than the lack of care I am feeling from people and in the world.
To a few happier things...this morning I got to babysit with a friend for the staff kids for Cru. It is always nice to get off campus and kids make me so happy so that was really great to do that.
I really am excited for my winter break bucket list!! I will probably end up blogging about it a couple times over break! I have a huge list of like thirty things so hopefully I get them all accomplished.
In Nineteen days I leave on my cruise! Another very exciting thing to look forward to.
Friends, thank you for reading and partnering in life with me. I really appreciate you.
Enjoy your breaks and good luck on the rest of your finals (if you have them!)!
Love you all!
Allison
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Constant.
I remember previously writing that I would come back from Polar Bear with my sweet kids and be so happy and oh boy is that an accurate statement!
I went home on Thursday and was able to spend the night at home hanging out with my family (and cuddling with my kittens!) which was really great! I am learning to be more thankful and gracious towards my family and that is really important.
I had the whole day Friday to just be at home because we weren't leave till five so it was nice to have a day to sleep in till eleven and watch t.v. and just take some time to rest. Rest is so important for me because I often find myself bouncing from one activity to the next without much thought.
My mom dropped me off at the office building we all meeting at and I was instantly greeted with a million "ALLISON'S!" and hugs from my sweet kids. Immediately I felt a sense of joy and peace rush through my whole body. I was home and with those who love me so unconditionally and those who showed me what it looked like to be unconditionally loved by a gracious God.
The weekend consisted of clubs with fun music and great talks, a color war, playing Phase 10, an open mic night, and a dance party. It was fun to just be there and be able to be silly and see kids see Jesus.
The boy that I was working with for the weekend is just wonderful. We were singing the song "How He Loves" which has been a theme for our clubs since the beginning of the year and this boy (who is non-verbal) was smiling and looking up almost like he was feeling Jesus it was the coolest thing! :)
I came home and headed back to campus ready to finish out the semester.
I was talking to a friend yesterday about my growth this semester. I haven't really given myself time to think about the ways that I have grown so it was good to talk about it with her. I realized that I learned a lot about Gods consistency.
In the past it has been easy for me to base my relationship with Christ on emotions but I am learning how powerful it is to rely on God no matter my emotions and I have seen a huge change in the way I look at my relationship with God.
It brings me so much joy to know that His love never changes.
I am doing an advent study right now and it is really cool to see it start from the beginning in Genesis. In the garden when Adam and Eve first fell into sin and became the broken and sinful people that we are today God made it clear that there was a promise for a redeemer.
"And I will put an enmity between you and woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head and you will strike his heel." Genesis 3:15
The enmity spoken of in this verse is grace. God is going to return Eve to himself and away from Satan. The between "your offspring and hers" is referring to those who love self and those who love God.
Even in the very beginning of the creation of man the promise of a savior was made. I can honestly say I have never explored this or realized this in this way so that was really cool. It is so great to see how constant God has been since the very beginning.
I am ready for the semester to be over but I am not ready to leave campus. It is always hard to go home on a break especially when community is lacking at home. However, I know the Lord will provide women to hold me accountable and to be in community with because God provides and he is good.
My family is going on a cruise for a week though so that will be pretty darn great! :)
Please let me know if there is any way I can be praying for you! Be bold this week, friends. Be bold in prayer, in conversation, and in relationships. I thank and praise God for all of you reading.
Thanks for reading I am so blessed to have such great friends! :)
Love,
Allison
I went home on Thursday and was able to spend the night at home hanging out with my family (and cuddling with my kittens!) which was really great! I am learning to be more thankful and gracious towards my family and that is really important.
I had the whole day Friday to just be at home because we weren't leave till five so it was nice to have a day to sleep in till eleven and watch t.v. and just take some time to rest. Rest is so important for me because I often find myself bouncing from one activity to the next without much thought.
My mom dropped me off at the office building we all meeting at and I was instantly greeted with a million "ALLISON'S!" and hugs from my sweet kids. Immediately I felt a sense of joy and peace rush through my whole body. I was home and with those who love me so unconditionally and those who showed me what it looked like to be unconditionally loved by a gracious God.
The weekend consisted of clubs with fun music and great talks, a color war, playing Phase 10, an open mic night, and a dance party. It was fun to just be there and be able to be silly and see kids see Jesus.
The boy that I was working with for the weekend is just wonderful. We were singing the song "How He Loves" which has been a theme for our clubs since the beginning of the year and this boy (who is non-verbal) was smiling and looking up almost like he was feeling Jesus it was the coolest thing! :)
I came home and headed back to campus ready to finish out the semester.
I was talking to a friend yesterday about my growth this semester. I haven't really given myself time to think about the ways that I have grown so it was good to talk about it with her. I realized that I learned a lot about Gods consistency.
In the past it has been easy for me to base my relationship with Christ on emotions but I am learning how powerful it is to rely on God no matter my emotions and I have seen a huge change in the way I look at my relationship with God.
It brings me so much joy to know that His love never changes.
I am doing an advent study right now and it is really cool to see it start from the beginning in Genesis. In the garden when Adam and Eve first fell into sin and became the broken and sinful people that we are today God made it clear that there was a promise for a redeemer.
"And I will put an enmity between you and woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head and you will strike his heel." Genesis 3:15
The enmity spoken of in this verse is grace. God is going to return Eve to himself and away from Satan. The between "your offspring and hers" is referring to those who love self and those who love God.
Even in the very beginning of the creation of man the promise of a savior was made. I can honestly say I have never explored this or realized this in this way so that was really cool. It is so great to see how constant God has been since the very beginning.
I am ready for the semester to be over but I am not ready to leave campus. It is always hard to go home on a break especially when community is lacking at home. However, I know the Lord will provide women to hold me accountable and to be in community with because God provides and he is good.
My family is going on a cruise for a week though so that will be pretty darn great! :)
Please let me know if there is any way I can be praying for you! Be bold this week, friends. Be bold in prayer, in conversation, and in relationships. I thank and praise God for all of you reading.
Thanks for reading I am so blessed to have such great friends! :)
Love,
Allison
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Rejoice Always.
Break was such a mix of craziness. Overall I would definitely describe break as good but there was definitely some speed bumps that came along with being home but I guess that can only be expected.
My break involved a trip to Medieval Times, getting coffee with friends, visiting my kids at school, seeing Pitch Perfect with some of the kids I babysit, shopping with my sister, cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and attending a second Thanksgiving dinner and there celebrating the recovery of a dear friend from cancer. So much to be joyful about and yet I just wasn't.
When I am home it is often difficult for me to find joy within my family. Like any family it is difficult to get along all the time and they know just how to push your buttons to make you upset. In no way am I innocent in this because I totally know how to push the buttons of my family. However, I love my family and I am so thankful for them. I know God is going to use the circumstances that we have been placed in.
Life just got really crazy. There was some things that occurred in my house that made it difficult to get along with my parents. I need to be really careful not to act like I know better than my parents but trust that the Lord is having them do what they do for a reason.
My walk with the Lord was also difficult for me while I was home. It is easy for me to make myself really busy and not focus on the promises of the Lord.
Some struggles were revealed within my family this weekend too and it was just hard to hear. I know the Lord will use these things but it is hard to believe it when you see those close to you hurting. I wouldn't say that I am angry with God but things like this definitely affect my relationship with the Lord.
Coming back to school has been an adventure. I am not quite sure how I am feeling...right now all I am doing is processing and that is all that I can do right now. I don't feel happy nor do I feel sad...I just feel like I am existing and that is so hard. I want to have a loving relationship with the Lord and I am just not enjoying his presence as much as I normally do.
That being said that does not mean that I am no being taught things by the Lord because I totally am. It is so great to see the Lord teaching me things throughout tough times.
The Lord is teaching me that no matter the time of year to be thankful for Him and the things He has blessed me with. I was challenged to make a list of all the blessings the Lord has given me. It is easy in times of hardship to only think negative so it is good to look back on the list and remember the amazing life God has blessed me with.
I was also shown through a dear friend the importance of praying confidently. God has the power to move mountains and if I pray big he will give greatly. One way I am seeing the importance of this is the Greek ministry. I am meeting with one of the Cru staff members to start discussing the Greek ministry and I ask for prayer in this. I ask for BIG PRAYERS! Pray that so many women in these houses would learn to love the Lord and pray that I wouldn't be prideful about the things that happen there. It is easy for me to take the credit but it is GOD and the HOLY SPIRIT that is going to do huge things for this campus!!!
I am also being reminded of the promise that is the name of this blog. God is LIGHT...there is no darkness in Him. No matter how much darkness I am feeling right now God is a light for me no matter the circumstance. His love never fails and it endures forever. Now that is something that I can be grateful for!
I am also reading Philippians with She Reads Truth and read a verse today that said "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" (4:4) Gosh I love when the Lord reveals His truths right in His word and right when I need them. Just again telling me to be joyful in the Lord no matter the circumstance. Rejoice always my dear friends!
My focus needs to be on Christ always. I need to be giving up every worry that I have about my family to the Lord because only He can have power over it and bring me peace through it.
This weekend I am going home (even though I was just there!) and take some of my kids that I work with on a Polar Bear weekend with Younglife. I am so excited. I know I have said this before but seeing this gets worship Jesus is so beautiful! I am excited to be in a different place and spend time with the Lord as well as time with my kids with special needs. Pray for energy for the leaders and for understanding of the kids that can understand the promise of the gospel.
I praise God for my friends that are loving me so unconditionally and patiently despite my tough time and I am so grateful for them. God is so good to me it is just taking me some time to want to believe that. Thank you for reading dear friends and know you are loved. I would love to hear from you and be praying for you!
Thanks for reading dear friends!
Allison
My break involved a trip to Medieval Times, getting coffee with friends, visiting my kids at school, seeing Pitch Perfect with some of the kids I babysit, shopping with my sister, cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and attending a second Thanksgiving dinner and there celebrating the recovery of a dear friend from cancer. So much to be joyful about and yet I just wasn't.
When I am home it is often difficult for me to find joy within my family. Like any family it is difficult to get along all the time and they know just how to push your buttons to make you upset. In no way am I innocent in this because I totally know how to push the buttons of my family. However, I love my family and I am so thankful for them. I know God is going to use the circumstances that we have been placed in.
Life just got really crazy. There was some things that occurred in my house that made it difficult to get along with my parents. I need to be really careful not to act like I know better than my parents but trust that the Lord is having them do what they do for a reason.
My walk with the Lord was also difficult for me while I was home. It is easy for me to make myself really busy and not focus on the promises of the Lord.
Some struggles were revealed within my family this weekend too and it was just hard to hear. I know the Lord will use these things but it is hard to believe it when you see those close to you hurting. I wouldn't say that I am angry with God but things like this definitely affect my relationship with the Lord.
Coming back to school has been an adventure. I am not quite sure how I am feeling...right now all I am doing is processing and that is all that I can do right now. I don't feel happy nor do I feel sad...I just feel like I am existing and that is so hard. I want to have a loving relationship with the Lord and I am just not enjoying his presence as much as I normally do.
That being said that does not mean that I am no being taught things by the Lord because I totally am. It is so great to see the Lord teaching me things throughout tough times.
The Lord is teaching me that no matter the time of year to be thankful for Him and the things He has blessed me with. I was challenged to make a list of all the blessings the Lord has given me. It is easy in times of hardship to only think negative so it is good to look back on the list and remember the amazing life God has blessed me with.
I was also shown through a dear friend the importance of praying confidently. God has the power to move mountains and if I pray big he will give greatly. One way I am seeing the importance of this is the Greek ministry. I am meeting with one of the Cru staff members to start discussing the Greek ministry and I ask for prayer in this. I ask for BIG PRAYERS! Pray that so many women in these houses would learn to love the Lord and pray that I wouldn't be prideful about the things that happen there. It is easy for me to take the credit but it is GOD and the HOLY SPIRIT that is going to do huge things for this campus!!!
I am also being reminded of the promise that is the name of this blog. God is LIGHT...there is no darkness in Him. No matter how much darkness I am feeling right now God is a light for me no matter the circumstance. His love never fails and it endures forever. Now that is something that I can be grateful for!
I am also reading Philippians with She Reads Truth and read a verse today that said "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" (4:4) Gosh I love when the Lord reveals His truths right in His word and right when I need them. Just again telling me to be joyful in the Lord no matter the circumstance. Rejoice always my dear friends!
My focus needs to be on Christ always. I need to be giving up every worry that I have about my family to the Lord because only He can have power over it and bring me peace through it.
This weekend I am going home (even though I was just there!) and take some of my kids that I work with on a Polar Bear weekend with Younglife. I am so excited. I know I have said this before but seeing this gets worship Jesus is so beautiful! I am excited to be in a different place and spend time with the Lord as well as time with my kids with special needs. Pray for energy for the leaders and for understanding of the kids that can understand the promise of the gospel.
I praise God for my friends that are loving me so unconditionally and patiently despite my tough time and I am so grateful for them. God is so good to me it is just taking me some time to want to believe that. Thank you for reading dear friends and know you are loved. I would love to hear from you and be praying for you!
Thanks for reading dear friends!
Allison
Monday, November 19, 2012
Joy in Christ.
It is so great to be home but there has definitely been ups and downs.
This weekend included a quiet time at Starbucks, Younglife Access club, Medieval Times for Johns' birthday, and a GREAT church service.
I am so happy to have time to rest and to sleep in!! I feel like I don't always have this luxury at school so it is a beautiful thing when my eyes open at ten o'clock and I feel fully rested and refreshed.
On the flip side of that coming home can be hard too. It is hard to split the time between my parents and it is easy to get angry with my family. For some reason my family is good at making me more angry than anyone else. My dad and I have always had a hard relationship and this weekend was no exception. We definitely had our good moments but this was a really tough weekend for me.
I have been doing this daily devotional with some friends and we just finished a study of Colossians! (shereadstruth.com or on the IPhone you can search for their plans on You Version!)
Here is some things that I learned:
- I have been sent on a special assignment by Christ as a part of God's master plan.
- The importance of remembering my high calling for the kingdom.
- The power of praying for friends.
- The way Christ sees me: "You are holy and blameless as you stand before Him without as single fault" Colossians 1:22 (SO GREAT!!!)
- Suffering isn't fun and I can't avoid it BUT if I am finding strength in and relying on the Lord he will make much out of my struggles.
- In order to stand strong when a storm hits I must have deep roots in Christ.
- It is Christ I need to be living for each day and thus I am covered by his grace.
- The importance of making the best use of my time no matter the season or circumstance.
It always amazes me how much Christ uses His word to teach me. The book of Isaiah has been popping up randomly in my life so I have decided to start a study on the book of Isaiah as well as the Thanksgiving study just started today by She Reads Truth. I am excited for how the Lord is going to use His word for the rest of the semester and the rest of my life!
I just want to briefly share about church on Sunday. It was way good especially because I was coming into it bitter and angry with my family. It was awesome to worship my perfect heavenly father. He talked about how during John the Baptists' ministry he gave all he had to Jesus. It is easy for me to set expectations for how God should fill me or how God should respond but only God knows what I really need and if I seek to be obedient to God's will what what God thinks I need could be something really hard.
This was the coolest thing ever...Jesus sought to live a life obedient to God and he God put him through some hard stuff. God sent Jesus to live a human life on this earth and in doing this Jesus suffered for the will of God. Throughout Jesus' life his best friend betrayed Him, He was beaten, He had Gods' wrath poured on Him, He carried and was nailed to a cross...and all of this happened because He was living the will of God.
It just made me think how easy it is to let challenges ruin my spiritual journey but Jesus proves the importance of not stumbling over trials in this life. There is something better at the end of the tunnel. "Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." (1 Corinthians 15:58)
I have a couple prayer requests! I ask that you would pray that I would learn to unconditionally love my family and that I wouldn't be so quick to anger and I ask that I would allow God to meet all of my expectations that I have for people because He so does!!
I want to take some time to share somethings I am so thankful for! Gosh, I feel like there is way too many to list....:)
I am so thankful for Jesus and the cross and I am learning the importance of being thankful daily for the cross even when its hard. I am thankful for my great friends! Gosh, I just don't know what I would do without my friends. There are way too many of you to list but thank you for being there for me, loving me, and having so much grace for me.
I thank all of the families that have allowed me to enter into their lives. It is so meaningful to have beautiful people in my life that about me and love me so much. Thank you for opening up your homes to places I can go when being home myself is difficult. Of course, I am thankful for my family and for their love for me always.
I am thankful for school and for a life that makes me so happy. I am most thankful for the joy that I have found in the Lord. I have learned that happiness and unhappiness has so little to do with circumstances but when I have Jesus everyday in my life I am just so happy. I am so grateful and proud to say that I have found freedom from depression and anxiety because of the Lord and that is certainly reason to be thankful!
Thanks for reading friends and please send any prayer requests my way I would love to be praying for you! Thinking of all of you and I am so thankful for you!!
:)
Allison
Monday, November 12, 2012
Freedom.
I cannot believe how quickly the weeks are going here. The semester is winding down. As I am reflecting on this semester and how quickly the days go I am realizing that I don't seek to glorify God in my everyday activities or look for God actively working in my life in daily things. It easy to get in the mindset that God can't work in a big lecture hall and that is just not the case. I am coming to the Lord in prayer this week to reveal Himself to me and bring me joy in daily, and sometimes seemingly mundane, life.
Speaking of prayer I shared in the past how prayer has seemed to be a non-existent part of my life lately. Through many events that happened this past week I have sought out time to sit in silence and just talk to God. It makes me wonder why I don't take that time more often. It is so relieving to talk to God about things and feel no judgement but instead feel His grace wash over me.
This week I have been doing a study by Beth Moore (an amazing Christian author/speaker) called Real Freedom: The Journey, The Stories. It was a short study that looked at five different aspects of Christianity that hinders me from living a life full of freedom in Christ.
She introduced the study by reminding me that "a Christian is held captive by anything that hinders the full and effective Spirit-filled life God planned for her." (I LOVE that Beth Moore writes to women-it makes it feel so much more personal!) She also shared that Christ came to set the captives free, bind up the brokenhearted, and to open the eyes of the blind.
She shares the benefits I have as a result of being a child of God. I get to know God and believe Him, find satisfaction in God, glorify God, experience God's peace, and enjoy God's presence. I feel so insanely blessed to have these beautiful benefits...and the best part is that I don't even deserve them but because of the cross and Jesus' sacrifice these have been given to me. To me, that is the beauty of loving Jesus.
Beth Moore starts the first chapter with an important point. The moment I accepted Christ was the moment that I could confidently approach the Lord. Christ has already done all of the work all I must do is acknowledge I am a sinner and cannot save myself and acknowledge that Christ is the son of God and only He can save me. Because of that I can and must believe that His crucifixion was for personal sins and His death was on my behalf and give him my life and ask Him to be my savior.
The largest obstacle that there is in believing God is unbelief. (2 Cor. 5:7) Every believer is going to experience unbelief at one point or another in their life. Unbelief for me would be doubting in the abilities and promises of God and then falling into the lies of Satan.
The next chapter reminded me that I am created for God's glory and God's glory far exceeds anything I can comprehend. Glory is the way that God makes himself known or shows himself mighty and recognizable. However, in order for God to show His glory thorough me I must overcome the temptation to seek my own glory by desiring His instead. This temptation is described as pride. (Something I definitely struggle with.)
My pride covers my heart from the Lord. God desires to set me free from my past but my pride keeps me from believing this truth. My pride doesn't like to be told what to do especially by God's Word. Pride makes my mind believe that that my sin is a secret.
When I humble myself before the Lord I am acknowledging that He is great and I am not.
I have learned that my sincere hope as I serve others needs to be that somehow people will see God's glory in my. I know that that is going to take a lot of prayer and trust in the Holy Spirits power...because after all God IS all powerful.
She then discussed the problem that is idolatry. This is a huge one that it is easy to fall into. Our society so encourages social media and I think that is a huge place that I see taking over my time more than my time with the Lord.
When I dig into the deeper issue I realized that I am seeking satisfaction in the world when in reality God created me to only be satisfied in Him. Only Jesus is absolutely satisfying.
Then she talked about prayerlessness. Basically, prayer is a huge aide in finding peace. Prayer is a great prescription for anxiety. Peace comes from an active, ongoing, and obedient relationship with Christ. Even Jesus sought out prayer...it is so prideful of me to think that I can go without when in reality the whole reason that Jesus came was to give me that relationship where I could be in prayer with the Lord.
It is really easy for me to believe that there are other things that are more tangible than prayer such as talking to a friend but by communicating with God I begin to enjoy a "continual supply of strength to walk in peace even in a war zone." If I grant God complete access to my heart, mind and soul I will be free to rest in Him. (Matt. 22:37)
The final chapter warned the believer to beware of legalism. This could look like having a check list of things to do to maintain your walk with Christ. ("I have to read my bible today") It also shows itself when I am looking at others faults but this stops me from examining the conditions of my own heart. It also could occur when my motivation for doing things is other than love and devotion for God.
I have grown so much from this study and have learned so many things about finding true freedom in Christ over the course of this semester.
This weekend was crazy and emotional but absolutely amazing! On Friday night we had women's time. It has always been very difficult for me to be open with women and I was able to share some really personal thing and it was so eye opening to how powerful that can be. They also had a men's and women's panel to answer some anonymous questions which was really eye opening.
We went to dinner for my dear friend Sabriah's birthday and it was great to spend time with her and other great friends. Then we had all campus worship where people from different ministries come together in one band to lead two hours of worship and prayer time. Oh man you could feel the Holy Spirit in the room. It was beautiful to see so many hands raised all for the same God!!!!
It was such a Holy Spirit present (not sure if that makes sense :)) weekend. I just saw the Lord moving in people all over and it was beautiful. It makes my heart so warm to be in fellowship with other believers.
Thanks for reading my incredibly long post! :) I love you all!
Love,
Allison
Speaking of prayer I shared in the past how prayer has seemed to be a non-existent part of my life lately. Through many events that happened this past week I have sought out time to sit in silence and just talk to God. It makes me wonder why I don't take that time more often. It is so relieving to talk to God about things and feel no judgement but instead feel His grace wash over me.
This week I have been doing a study by Beth Moore (an amazing Christian author/speaker) called Real Freedom: The Journey, The Stories. It was a short study that looked at five different aspects of Christianity that hinders me from living a life full of freedom in Christ.
She introduced the study by reminding me that "a Christian is held captive by anything that hinders the full and effective Spirit-filled life God planned for her." (I LOVE that Beth Moore writes to women-it makes it feel so much more personal!) She also shared that Christ came to set the captives free, bind up the brokenhearted, and to open the eyes of the blind.
She shares the benefits I have as a result of being a child of God. I get to know God and believe Him, find satisfaction in God, glorify God, experience God's peace, and enjoy God's presence. I feel so insanely blessed to have these beautiful benefits...and the best part is that I don't even deserve them but because of the cross and Jesus' sacrifice these have been given to me. To me, that is the beauty of loving Jesus.
Beth Moore starts the first chapter with an important point. The moment I accepted Christ was the moment that I could confidently approach the Lord. Christ has already done all of the work all I must do is acknowledge I am a sinner and cannot save myself and acknowledge that Christ is the son of God and only He can save me. Because of that I can and must believe that His crucifixion was for personal sins and His death was on my behalf and give him my life and ask Him to be my savior.
The largest obstacle that there is in believing God is unbelief. (2 Cor. 5:7) Every believer is going to experience unbelief at one point or another in their life. Unbelief for me would be doubting in the abilities and promises of God and then falling into the lies of Satan.
The next chapter reminded me that I am created for God's glory and God's glory far exceeds anything I can comprehend. Glory is the way that God makes himself known or shows himself mighty and recognizable. However, in order for God to show His glory thorough me I must overcome the temptation to seek my own glory by desiring His instead. This temptation is described as pride. (Something I definitely struggle with.)
My pride covers my heart from the Lord. God desires to set me free from my past but my pride keeps me from believing this truth. My pride doesn't like to be told what to do especially by God's Word. Pride makes my mind believe that that my sin is a secret.
When I humble myself before the Lord I am acknowledging that He is great and I am not.
I have learned that my sincere hope as I serve others needs to be that somehow people will see God's glory in my. I know that that is going to take a lot of prayer and trust in the Holy Spirits power...because after all God IS all powerful.
She then discussed the problem that is idolatry. This is a huge one that it is easy to fall into. Our society so encourages social media and I think that is a huge place that I see taking over my time more than my time with the Lord.
When I dig into the deeper issue I realized that I am seeking satisfaction in the world when in reality God created me to only be satisfied in Him. Only Jesus is absolutely satisfying.
Then she talked about prayerlessness. Basically, prayer is a huge aide in finding peace. Prayer is a great prescription for anxiety. Peace comes from an active, ongoing, and obedient relationship with Christ. Even Jesus sought out prayer...it is so prideful of me to think that I can go without when in reality the whole reason that Jesus came was to give me that relationship where I could be in prayer with the Lord.
It is really easy for me to believe that there are other things that are more tangible than prayer such as talking to a friend but by communicating with God I begin to enjoy a "continual supply of strength to walk in peace even in a war zone." If I grant God complete access to my heart, mind and soul I will be free to rest in Him. (Matt. 22:37)
The final chapter warned the believer to beware of legalism. This could look like having a check list of things to do to maintain your walk with Christ. ("I have to read my bible today") It also shows itself when I am looking at others faults but this stops me from examining the conditions of my own heart. It also could occur when my motivation for doing things is other than love and devotion for God.
I have grown so much from this study and have learned so many things about finding true freedom in Christ over the course of this semester.
This weekend was crazy and emotional but absolutely amazing! On Friday night we had women's time. It has always been very difficult for me to be open with women and I was able to share some really personal thing and it was so eye opening to how powerful that can be. They also had a men's and women's panel to answer some anonymous questions which was really eye opening.
We went to dinner for my dear friend Sabriah's birthday and it was great to spend time with her and other great friends. Then we had all campus worship where people from different ministries come together in one band to lead two hours of worship and prayer time. Oh man you could feel the Holy Spirit in the room. It was beautiful to see so many hands raised all for the same God!!!!
It was such a Holy Spirit present (not sure if that makes sense :)) weekend. I just saw the Lord moving in people all over and it was beautiful. It makes my heart so warm to be in fellowship with other believers.
Thanks for reading my incredibly long post! :) I love you all!
Love,
Allison
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Filled.
Wow, it has been quite a long time since I last wrote. I have to be completely honest this week was really really tough.
I have mentioned this in the past but I am still really struggling with it. I just don't like when I don't feel God moving in my life and although I know that it doesn't change my position in Christ it is hard to remind myself of that often.
I have been really discouraged with a lot of things that are happening in my life and when things aren't going well it effects many things around me.
I am a very verbal processor and so it doesn't really affect my relationships because if I don't talk about things then I am not going to realize anything out of them. I am thankful for the few people that I got to really be vulnerable this week. I am thankful for the people who just listen. That is very powerful to me when someone can just listen and tell me that it will be okay and give me great Christ centered advice.
I went to a wedding this weekend and it was just beautiful. The couple truly love the Lord and it is so cool to see the picture that Christ has for his church in their relationship.
Nothing else very exciting happened this week that is worth writing about. It was just a bland and very plateaued week.
Tonight however was not bland in any sense of the word. :)
I have started regular babysitting for a family once a week. They come pick me up from campus and I get to go to their house and hang out for a couple of hours.
When I walked in today one of the little boys came up and was giving me kisses on the hand. He said that now I was a part of their family because you are only supposed to give kisses to people in your family. It feels so good to have a home away from home here and a place where I feel so loved by everyone in their house! (even the dog!)
Whenever they bring me back to campus the mom and I get to spend some time to just talk and I am so thankful for the time that we get to spend talking.
We talked a little bit about being filled in Christ tonight and about doing things that fill you up and it was such a powerful conversation.
I wasn't feeling filled this week but after that I feel filled. I feel like we were able to be real with each other and she spoke so much truth in my life. At home I am so connected with families that are not my own and I love them so much and so I feel blessed to find a family to be connected with on so many different levels! I even got to help out with their family photos this weekend! :)
Just when I feel like I have been kicked to the ground God pulls me right back up. I had a really great quiet time (something that has been majorly lacking in my life this week) when I got back today. I spent some significant time in prayer-also something that has been non-existent-and in the word and just worshiping God for all His love.
I am praying that I would see God this week in the little things and not just in big moments. I am praying that the Holy Spirit would show me what it looks like to live a life of no doubts in my all powerful God. I really struggled this week with doubting some things that the Holy Spirit was telling me and believing lies that were, as I look back on it, from Satan.
The story talked about Jesus being hungry and that he went up to a tree and it wasn't bearing fruit only leaves so he told it to wither and it immediately did. It just again proves how powerful Jesus is. The verse that finished this part of the chapter struck an extremely powerful cord in me.
I have mentioned this in the past but I am still really struggling with it. I just don't like when I don't feel God moving in my life and although I know that it doesn't change my position in Christ it is hard to remind myself of that often.
I have been really discouraged with a lot of things that are happening in my life and when things aren't going well it effects many things around me.
I am a very verbal processor and so it doesn't really affect my relationships because if I don't talk about things then I am not going to realize anything out of them. I am thankful for the few people that I got to really be vulnerable this week. I am thankful for the people who just listen. That is very powerful to me when someone can just listen and tell me that it will be okay and give me great Christ centered advice.
I went to a wedding this weekend and it was just beautiful. The couple truly love the Lord and it is so cool to see the picture that Christ has for his church in their relationship.
Nothing else very exciting happened this week that is worth writing about. It was just a bland and very plateaued week.
Tonight however was not bland in any sense of the word. :)
I have started regular babysitting for a family once a week. They come pick me up from campus and I get to go to their house and hang out for a couple of hours.
When I walked in today one of the little boys came up and was giving me kisses on the hand. He said that now I was a part of their family because you are only supposed to give kisses to people in your family. It feels so good to have a home away from home here and a place where I feel so loved by everyone in their house! (even the dog!)
Whenever they bring me back to campus the mom and I get to spend some time to just talk and I am so thankful for the time that we get to spend talking.
We talked a little bit about being filled in Christ tonight and about doing things that fill you up and it was such a powerful conversation.
I wasn't feeling filled this week but after that I feel filled. I feel like we were able to be real with each other and she spoke so much truth in my life. At home I am so connected with families that are not my own and I love them so much and so I feel blessed to find a family to be connected with on so many different levels! I even got to help out with their family photos this weekend! :)
Just when I feel like I have been kicked to the ground God pulls me right back up. I had a really great quiet time (something that has been majorly lacking in my life this week) when I got back today. I spent some significant time in prayer-also something that has been non-existent-and in the word and just worshiping God for all His love.
I am praying that I would see God this week in the little things and not just in big moments. I am praying that the Holy Spirit would show me what it looks like to live a life of no doubts in my all powerful God. I really struggled this week with doubting some things that the Holy Spirit was telling me and believing lies that were, as I look back on it, from Satan.
The story talked about Jesus being hungry and that he went up to a tree and it wasn't bearing fruit only leaves so he told it to wither and it immediately did. It just again proves how powerful Jesus is. The verse that finished this part of the chapter struck an extremely powerful cord in me.
"Truly I tell you. if you have faith and do not
doubt not only can you do what is done to the fig tree,
but also you can say to this mountain,
'Go throw yourself into the sea',
and it will be done.
If you believe, you will receive whatever
you ask for in prayer"
Matthew 21:22-23
God sure knew tonight (and always knows) what scripture to put in my hands and what songs to play on my Pandora channel! i was reminded tonight that never is anything by chance but always at Gods hand and plan.
I love you all thanks for reading!
Allison
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Happy.
I talked to my mom today and she asked me if I was happy.
For a long time being happy was not a word that I would use to describe myself but today I praise God for being so happy.
Oh man do I have so many things to be so happy about!
I got to meet up with a wonderful women this week and just talk about life and get to know her and it just makes me so joyful to get to hear about peoples lives and to be an encouragement to each other.
I have tons of really amazing friends who have been so intentional this week. I have gotten emails and texts that have been so so uplifting. The thing I probably love the most is when people just send me texts telling me they love me. Such a great feeling.
I also have been ahead on my school work this week so I feel pretty calm and therefore have had more time to spend with people and with God.
I booked my train ticket to go home for Polar Bear weekend! For those who don't know it is a weekend retreat for Younglife! When I told Michelle's mom I was going she sent in her money to go so I am excited to spend a weekend with all of my beautiful kids. I am going to come back really happy after that weekend. Seeing teens with special needs worship Jesus brings tears to my eyes and so much joy to my heart.
Most importantly besides all of these things I have an all powerful God. I have a God who loves me so much and no matter how much I don't feel like I am walking well with the Lord he has so much love for me.
After a few tough weeks emotionally God has shown me how important it is to let Him bring me joy and how great his love is. Throughout many outlets this week God has shown me how much it takes to pick up the cross and follow Him.
Here is a little encouragement I came across today! Enjoy! :)
Thank you for reading and if there is anything I can be praying for you about please send it my way! :)
God is so good and I pray for you to see his goodness this week and that you find joy in that and in the gospel.
Love,
Allison
For a long time being happy was not a word that I would use to describe myself but today I praise God for being so happy.
Oh man do I have so many things to be so happy about!
I got to meet up with a wonderful women this week and just talk about life and get to know her and it just makes me so joyful to get to hear about peoples lives and to be an encouragement to each other.
I have tons of really amazing friends who have been so intentional this week. I have gotten emails and texts that have been so so uplifting. The thing I probably love the most is when people just send me texts telling me they love me. Such a great feeling.
I also have been ahead on my school work this week so I feel pretty calm and therefore have had more time to spend with people and with God.
I booked my train ticket to go home for Polar Bear weekend! For those who don't know it is a weekend retreat for Younglife! When I told Michelle's mom I was going she sent in her money to go so I am excited to spend a weekend with all of my beautiful kids. I am going to come back really happy after that weekend. Seeing teens with special needs worship Jesus brings tears to my eyes and so much joy to my heart.
Most importantly besides all of these things I have an all powerful God. I have a God who loves me so much and no matter how much I don't feel like I am walking well with the Lord he has so much love for me.
After a few tough weeks emotionally God has shown me how important it is to let Him bring me joy and how great his love is. Throughout many outlets this week God has shown me how much it takes to pick up the cross and follow Him.
Here is a little encouragement I came across today! Enjoy! :)
I delight greatly in the Lord;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
Isaiah 61:10
Thank you for reading and if there is anything I can be praying for you about please send it my way! :)
God is so good and I pray for you to see his goodness this week and that you find joy in that and in the gospel.
Love,
Allison
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Worthy.
So many great things are happening right now! Oh my gosh God is good!
I am growing so much in my personal relationship with the Lord.
He is revealing so much to me and it is super encouraging.
Prayer is such a good thing and something that I have been finding lately to be non-existent in my life. I am asking the Holy Spirit to show me how to make prayer be a first instinct in my life instead of secondary to turning to friends.
Jesus is so worthy of all my devotion and all of my attention. Jesus is so powerful that I feel so humbled that he wants to be a part of my life. Why wouldn't I want to be in conversation with him? I ask for prayer for that this week!
I am reading the book Radical by David Platt (which i highly recommend )and have come across so many empowering things.
I am so guilty of twisting Jesus into the God that I desire Him to be and more like myself because I am so comfortable with myself.
When I was called to be a Christian I was called to abandon the attachments of this world. In no way did I believe this when I became a Christian.
I am realizing more and more as I dive into the word how important it is to completely give everything I have to Jesus because He is so worth it.
It is worth it to give everything to Jesus because he is more valuable than anything I could ever have on this earth. When I give everything to Jesus in no way am I losing but in reality I am gaining.
The big questions is do I really believe that Jesus is worth abandoning everything for?
As I process through this I see how much I am living a life of this world and not a life of complete commitment to the Lord.
I am ready for the Lord to use me. I am ready to stop being comfortable and learn what it really looks like to live for a God who is worthy of all my devotion and so good to me.
I am just an ordinary person who is being used by a God filled with love and compassion and I am so grateful that the Lord wants to use me.
I went home this weekend so I didn't get to go to church here. I listened to the sermon online and I am just blown away by the message my pastor had to share with us.
The sermon was about taking up your cross daily. The pastor is doing a series about being a follower of Jesus not just a fan of Him.
The verse he referenced was:
I am growing so much in my personal relationship with the Lord.
He is revealing so much to me and it is super encouraging.
Prayer is such a good thing and something that I have been finding lately to be non-existent in my life. I am asking the Holy Spirit to show me how to make prayer be a first instinct in my life instead of secondary to turning to friends.
Jesus is so worthy of all my devotion and all of my attention. Jesus is so powerful that I feel so humbled that he wants to be a part of my life. Why wouldn't I want to be in conversation with him? I ask for prayer for that this week!
I am reading the book Radical by David Platt (which i highly recommend )and have come across so many empowering things.
I am so guilty of twisting Jesus into the God that I desire Him to be and more like myself because I am so comfortable with myself.
When I was called to be a Christian I was called to abandon the attachments of this world. In no way did I believe this when I became a Christian.
I am realizing more and more as I dive into the word how important it is to completely give everything I have to Jesus because He is so worth it.
It is worth it to give everything to Jesus because he is more valuable than anything I could ever have on this earth. When I give everything to Jesus in no way am I losing but in reality I am gaining.
The big questions is do I really believe that Jesus is worth abandoning everything for?
As I process through this I see how much I am living a life of this world and not a life of complete commitment to the Lord.
I am ready for the Lord to use me. I am ready to stop being comfortable and learn what it really looks like to live for a God who is worthy of all my devotion and so good to me.
I am just an ordinary person who is being used by a God filled with love and compassion and I am so grateful that the Lord wants to use me.
I went home this weekend so I didn't get to go to church here. I listened to the sermon online and I am just blown away by the message my pastor had to share with us.
The sermon was about taking up your cross daily. The pastor is doing a series about being a follower of Jesus not just a fan of Him.
The verse he referenced was:
"Then he said to them all:
'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and
take up their cross daily and follow me.
For whoever wants to save their life will lose it,
but whoever loses it will save it'"
Luke 9:23-24
I have definitely heard this verse before but never really dived into what it meant.
The pastor shared that the symbol for the follower of Christ is the cross. He told us two things that the cross symbolized.
1.) The cross is a symbol of humiliation. The Romans had numerous ways of executing cheaply and quickly but the crucifixion was a more time consuming and costly death. This death was used for the Romans to show the citizens that they had power.
2.) The cross is a symbol of suffering. Before a person was taken to be hung on the cross they would be beaten and then have to walk to their death site with the horizontal part of the cross on their arms to then be attached to the vertical part. Jesus literally took up a 125 pound cross and carried it for our lives.
You may be thinking why in the world I would share these sad things with you? A life without suffering like Jesus did is not living a life for Jesus. Living for Jesus does not mean an easy life. Some of the suffering I go through is because of Jesus' suffering. How can I not love a God that came from the perfection of heaven to do these awful things for me.
We were encouraged to process through if we were really carrying the cross for Jesus and when the last time that following Jesus cost us something.
My answer was rarely. I don't know how often I have passed up opportunities because they were uncomfortable or because I would need to sacrifice something.
When Jesus died on the cross it was not just Him dying for my sins but Him showing a way for me to live. Taking up the cross daily is not a one time decision but a daily one. I am praying for the Lord to reveal what it looks like for me to die to myself and take up the cross every day.
Something else that I heard today when listening to a sermon that was really powerful was that I often think Gods plan is defined as what he wants me to do and where he wants me to be. Yes, that is part of it but there is something even bigger. Gods plan mainly revolves around who He wants me to be and what I am becoming.
Gods ultimate desire is to mature me to be more like Him and I so want that!
The final thing that I want to share with you is about an event that Cru had this week. It was called The Maze and it was a magic and illusionist show.
I don't think I can even adequately explain to you what happened last night. Basically the first hour was magic and illusion and the second hour was him sharing the story of his battle with leukemia and how he found Christ.
We had 188 people come to Christ through this outreach!!! God is seriously so good. Over 1,000 student heard the gospel last night!!!! :) So much to smile about and be excited about for our movement!
Anyways, God is showing me big things in my walk this week and I am so grateful. I am continually amazed at how great God is and at how much work he can really do in my life and the lives of those around me.
I have been able to spend lots of time with friends this week and that has been really powerful too just to hear people speak truth into my life and keep me grounded and accountable.
I praise God for all of you who are reading! :) You are such a special part of my life!
Love, Allison
Monday, October 22, 2012
Powerful.
I absolutely loved this weekend!
I got to go home which was just great. My bus home was really late to pick us up and then made us transfer into a van on the way home and I was really frustrated. As I was driving home I texted my friend who I have talked about previously in this blog who is going through radiation telling her I was praying for her.
She shared with me that it was a difficult day and she really appreciated my prayers. As I was reading her text I had a major reality check. I had no right to be complaining. God really knows how to put things into perspective for me.
When I got home my brother picked me up and he shared with me that he is seriously considering going to University of Illinois for Psychology. That was really exciting to hear because we would be living closer to each other than we are now. My brother and I don't have the best relationship but it would be cool to get to see him at school and grow our relationship.
My brothers birthday was a few weeks ago and my mom wanted to take him out for dinner for his birthday. We went to this tiny Chinese restaurant and just sat and talked and ate. It was good for all of us to just sit down and be together in one place before the weekend got crazy.
We went to the grocery store and then went home and my mom and I watched some Law and Order S.V.U and I cuddled with my kittens. :)
The next morning I woke up and went and got my hair done! I was in desperate need for a haircut and I am now a brunette!!! After that I went shopping and then met up with some friends for Portillos! (I always have Portillos when I come home!) We just went over to their house and just hung out and talked and watched videos. It was a great relaxing evening.
Then the next morning I got up and went to a Down syndrome fashion show for NADs (National Association for Down Syndrome) and it was fabulous. There was people who were between four months old and forty five year olds strutting their stuff on the cat walk.
There was a lunch served and a little dance party afterwards. Here's some pictures:
Michelle and I right before eating!
After the fashion show I went to go see John, my other buddy with Down syndrome, who has been sick this week. His family was having a wine making party-they are so cool! :)
And back to campus I went to get through another week. I am learning how much I need to rely on God's strength to get me through and not my own. Michelle is coming down Friday for a hockey game so that is always exciting! I love her to bits!
This weekend I have really seen the Holy Spirit speak through my life in crazy ways. I can't reveal too much yet but some exciting things happened this weekend.
Last week I shared that I wasn't feeling super challenged by the Lord and this week I am feeling super encouraged and excited about spreading the gospel with people and digging back into the word. The Lord works in crazy ways.
I am realizing more and more how powerful the Lord really is and how much he knows what I need when I need it and that I have no reason to be anxious or plan my own life. He will provide for me and loves me so much.
I am grateful for a weekend of relaxing, realizations, and love and for feeling renewed in the promise of the gospel.
Have a wonderful week friends! I love you all!! :)
Allison
She shared with me that it was a difficult day and she really appreciated my prayers. As I was reading her text I had a major reality check. I had no right to be complaining. God really knows how to put things into perspective for me.
When I got home my brother picked me up and he shared with me that he is seriously considering going to University of Illinois for Psychology. That was really exciting to hear because we would be living closer to each other than we are now. My brother and I don't have the best relationship but it would be cool to get to see him at school and grow our relationship.
My brothers birthday was a few weeks ago and my mom wanted to take him out for dinner for his birthday. We went to this tiny Chinese restaurant and just sat and talked and ate. It was good for all of us to just sit down and be together in one place before the weekend got crazy.
We went to the grocery store and then went home and my mom and I watched some Law and Order S.V.U and I cuddled with my kittens. :)
The next morning I woke up and went and got my hair done! I was in desperate need for a haircut and I am now a brunette!!! After that I went shopping and then met up with some friends for Portillos! (I always have Portillos when I come home!) We just went over to their house and just hung out and talked and watched videos. It was a great relaxing evening.
Then the next morning I got up and went to a Down syndrome fashion show for NADs (National Association for Down Syndrome) and it was fabulous. There was people who were between four months old and forty five year olds strutting their stuff on the cat walk.
There was a lunch served and a little dance party afterwards. Here's some pictures:
Michelle and I right before eating!
Being silly with the best girl! :)
My date for the fashion show! (Elliot-one of the boys I nanny)
Michelle in her fashion show outfit!
Lily and I! (One of the girls I babysit)
After the fashion show I went to go see John, my other buddy with Down syndrome, who has been sick this week. His family was having a wine making party-they are so cool! :)
And back to campus I went to get through another week. I am learning how much I need to rely on God's strength to get me through and not my own. Michelle is coming down Friday for a hockey game so that is always exciting! I love her to bits!
This weekend I have really seen the Holy Spirit speak through my life in crazy ways. I can't reveal too much yet but some exciting things happened this weekend.
Last week I shared that I wasn't feeling super challenged by the Lord and this week I am feeling super encouraged and excited about spreading the gospel with people and digging back into the word. The Lord works in crazy ways.
I am realizing more and more how powerful the Lord really is and how much he knows what I need when I need it and that I have no reason to be anxious or plan my own life. He will provide for me and loves me so much.
I am grateful for a weekend of relaxing, realizations, and love and for feeling renewed in the promise of the gospel.
Have a wonderful week friends! I love you all!! :)
Allison
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Fathers.
Most of my life my dad was great. He was someone that I looked up to and no matter what I knew he loved me.
When my parents shared with us that we are getting divorced all of my anger went straight to my dad. Whenever my parents would fight when I was little I would often ask my dad if he and my mom were going to get a divorce and he always answered with a confident no. When they did break the news to us the word shocked does not even begin to describe the feelings I was having.
It is really hard for me still to even open up to people about this because it is such a touchy and very difficult subject for me that so many different issues have stemmed from.
My parents told us they were getting divorced the summer before my senior began and for all of my senior year my dad was sleeping on a mattress in our basement because we were trying to sell our house and my dad just couldn't afford to move on. The tension that was going on in my house was unbearable.
I said things to and about my dad that should never be said to anyone. There was more hate behind those words to my dad than I had expressed to anyone before.
I had so much built up anger towards my dad. He was unfaithful in their marriage and that was just not acceptable to me. I looked to my parents as a sense of calm and something that would never change and could never be shaken and everything I had put my faith in was shattered into a million pieces.
I spent a lot of time letting Satan put lies into my head about how much better I was than my dad and how much he deserved to be hated from me because his actions were so wrong.
It was hard because I never got an apology from him. I so desired for him to admit that he was wrong and thought I deserved something but as I am looking back on it as children of God when we don't apologize for our wrong doings I am still so loved by an amazing and gracious God and that is how I should be treating my earthly father.
I found out a few months later that there was unfaithfulness on both sides of my parents marriage. I spent so much time being angry solely at my dad and my mom was definitely not innocent. At the time it was still just easier to be mad at my dad but on the flip side it was upsetting that so much of my anger was geared toward the fact that he hurt my mom.
It took me a really long time and a really great friend to get me through experiencing grace with my dad. I still have to be reminded that my dad and my parents relationship is not what I have to become although some days it is easy to get stuck in that fear.
My dad and I's relationship is so much better. We talk on the phone almost every day and we really share our lives together. The Lord really showed me how to experience freedom from my anger and bitterness.
Tonight at Cru one of our wonderful staff members, Matt Sfura, talked about fathers and that really struck a cord for me. It is always a touchy subject for me to dive into and talk about because so many old emotions are felt but it is always good to be reminded about my Heavenly Father.
Matt shared that his parents divorced some years back and so it definitely helped me to see that there can be growth from this outside of just learning to have grace. The Holy Spirit really spoke through Matt tonight and about some awesome truths about my Heavenly Father that it is easy to forget.
He started by sharing that God is a compassionate pursuer. God desires to know me. Even when I have wronged Him and He is angry He still loves me so much. The best picture of compassion for me from God is Jesus. God didn't just leave me here on this earth to drown, He sent Jesus to live the life I live and feel the things I feel and ultimately give me the greatest gift. "For the Son of Man came to seek and save the lost." (Luke 19:10)
The next truth was that God is a generous provider. He has blessed me with more than I could ever need. Not only did God give me this great life and great friends but he gave me the greatest gift I could ever need and that is Jesus and a bridge to be in relationship with my Heavenly Father. That reminder is one of the most important things that I could ever imagine. The fact that Jesus came and suffered a tortured death so that I could have communication with my God is always unfathomable and something I hope I never stop being excited about. "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8:32)
The last truth that he talked about was that God is an unwavering protector. God is so powerful and he uses his power to lay His hands over me and protect me. He covers me with Himself so that I am kept safe. Like a parent, God gives me specific commands in the bible and ways to live my life. I am so blessed to have a handbook on how to live life on this earth-I couldn't imagine living without it. The biggest thing that Matt said tonight that hit me hard was that my earthly father may fail me but my Heavenly Father never will. "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God" (2 Corinthians 5:21)
In no way am I saying through this that I don't love my dad. I am thankful for our relationship and how far it has come and I am thankful for how much Jesus has helped me grow because of it. It is crazy how Jesus does that! I praise God for my dad. Our relationship was tough and it still sometimes is because we don't always see eye to eye on things but its a work in progress. God has brought so much glory to himself through such a trying situation.
I am thankful for a staff of wonderful men and women who care to help us grow in the Lord and to seek what it is like to be in relationship with our Heavenly Father.
Praising God today!
Love you all!
Allison
When my parents shared with us that we are getting divorced all of my anger went straight to my dad. Whenever my parents would fight when I was little I would often ask my dad if he and my mom were going to get a divorce and he always answered with a confident no. When they did break the news to us the word shocked does not even begin to describe the feelings I was having.
It is really hard for me still to even open up to people about this because it is such a touchy and very difficult subject for me that so many different issues have stemmed from.
My parents told us they were getting divorced the summer before my senior began and for all of my senior year my dad was sleeping on a mattress in our basement because we were trying to sell our house and my dad just couldn't afford to move on. The tension that was going on in my house was unbearable.
I said things to and about my dad that should never be said to anyone. There was more hate behind those words to my dad than I had expressed to anyone before.
I had so much built up anger towards my dad. He was unfaithful in their marriage and that was just not acceptable to me. I looked to my parents as a sense of calm and something that would never change and could never be shaken and everything I had put my faith in was shattered into a million pieces.
I spent a lot of time letting Satan put lies into my head about how much better I was than my dad and how much he deserved to be hated from me because his actions were so wrong.
It was hard because I never got an apology from him. I so desired for him to admit that he was wrong and thought I deserved something but as I am looking back on it as children of God when we don't apologize for our wrong doings I am still so loved by an amazing and gracious God and that is how I should be treating my earthly father.
I found out a few months later that there was unfaithfulness on both sides of my parents marriage. I spent so much time being angry solely at my dad and my mom was definitely not innocent. At the time it was still just easier to be mad at my dad but on the flip side it was upsetting that so much of my anger was geared toward the fact that he hurt my mom.
It took me a really long time and a really great friend to get me through experiencing grace with my dad. I still have to be reminded that my dad and my parents relationship is not what I have to become although some days it is easy to get stuck in that fear.
My dad and I's relationship is so much better. We talk on the phone almost every day and we really share our lives together. The Lord really showed me how to experience freedom from my anger and bitterness.
Tonight at Cru one of our wonderful staff members, Matt Sfura, talked about fathers and that really struck a cord for me. It is always a touchy subject for me to dive into and talk about because so many old emotions are felt but it is always good to be reminded about my Heavenly Father.
Matt shared that his parents divorced some years back and so it definitely helped me to see that there can be growth from this outside of just learning to have grace. The Holy Spirit really spoke through Matt tonight and about some awesome truths about my Heavenly Father that it is easy to forget.
He started by sharing that God is a compassionate pursuer. God desires to know me. Even when I have wronged Him and He is angry He still loves me so much. The best picture of compassion for me from God is Jesus. God didn't just leave me here on this earth to drown, He sent Jesus to live the life I live and feel the things I feel and ultimately give me the greatest gift. "For the Son of Man came to seek and save the lost." (Luke 19:10)
The next truth was that God is a generous provider. He has blessed me with more than I could ever need. Not only did God give me this great life and great friends but he gave me the greatest gift I could ever need and that is Jesus and a bridge to be in relationship with my Heavenly Father. That reminder is one of the most important things that I could ever imagine. The fact that Jesus came and suffered a tortured death so that I could have communication with my God is always unfathomable and something I hope I never stop being excited about. "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8:32)
The last truth that he talked about was that God is an unwavering protector. God is so powerful and he uses his power to lay His hands over me and protect me. He covers me with Himself so that I am kept safe. Like a parent, God gives me specific commands in the bible and ways to live my life. I am so blessed to have a handbook on how to live life on this earth-I couldn't imagine living without it. The biggest thing that Matt said tonight that hit me hard was that my earthly father may fail me but my Heavenly Father never will. "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God" (2 Corinthians 5:21)
In no way am I saying through this that I don't love my dad. I am thankful for our relationship and how far it has come and I am thankful for how much Jesus has helped me grow because of it. It is crazy how Jesus does that! I praise God for my dad. Our relationship was tough and it still sometimes is because we don't always see eye to eye on things but its a work in progress. God has brought so much glory to himself through such a trying situation.
I am thankful for a staff of wonderful men and women who care to help us grow in the Lord and to seek what it is like to be in relationship with our Heavenly Father.
Praising God today!
Love you all!
Allison
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Your Love Never Fails.
What a crazy past week I have had. I don't even know where to start.
This weekend was really great. Friday night I just hung out with a small group of friends and we just went to a couple stores and watched some T.V. Chill nights are probably the best thing. I love just hanging out and not having to try but just be with good friends.
Saturday morning Autumn and I got up and went to the train to head to Springfield. Of course it was pouring rain but it was great to just sit and talk with her and have really great intentional time with her without having anything we had to do.
We got there and we went to some shops and then went back to her husbands families' house and got ready for the wedding. After we got all dolled up we went to Popeyes for lunch (my first time and it was so yummy!) and then we went to the ceremony. The church was so nice and weddings are just such joyful occasions. You can feel the happiness emanating off the bride and groom and their loved ones.
They had a pretty big gap in between the wedding and the reception so we just drove around and saw some of what Springfield has to offer. We then went to this beautiful park and took some pictures and walked around. It was perfect time because all of the trees were changing and leaves were falling. We also caught the weather at a time that it wasn't raining.
There was a bell tower there and we went in to see how much it cost but neither of us had cash on us and we were going to go back to the car and find money but this wonderful couple heard us talking and came in and gave us money to go up. It was the sweetest thing!
The top was beautiful!! Oh my gosh the colors were so great and it was just amazing to see the capital over the tops of the orange, red, and green trees.
After this we went to the reception and it was outside in a tent but the inside of the tent had a floor and heater so you would have never known you were outside. Thank goodness for that because it was down pouring outside! We ate and danced and really had a blast just being goofy.
The next day we went to her church and man was it great. They talked about the Holy Spirit which is something I learned a lot about this summer and am really interested in learning more about. The pastor answered some questions about the Holy Spirit.
The first question was 'who is the Holy Spirit?' He reminded me that the Holy Spirit is another person but is also the same as Jesus. He shared that the Holy Spirits ministry is all about pointing people to Christ.
The second question was 'what does the Holy Spirit do?' The Holy Spirits ultimate goal is to help me be more and more like Christ. He is there to push me and challenge me. He compared the Holy Spirit to being like a coach in sports. A coach would push me, correct me, teach me, and encourage me. Whether or not you would consider yourself a Christian if you have accepted Christ in the past you have the Spirit living in you. When the Holy Spirit came into my life not only then did I have access to God but God has access to me.
My role is to simply allow the Holy Spirit to have more of me and allow Him to take control of my life.
I don't have to prove my love to God-He doesn't want my performance He wants my obedience.
This was a big reminder that the Lord spoke into my life this weekend: He said that the worst that can happen to believers is that they die and end up in eternity with the Lord.
I definitely don't give the Holy Spirit enough credit for all of the things he helps me do on a day to day basis and throughout my life.
I got to Skype a friend from home who I met with this summer and just talk about life and ask some questions about a book we are reading together. I am just so thankful for the way she speaks truth into my life and the way she pushes me to look at things from other perspectives.
Tonight I got the privilege of babysitting some wonderful kids. Gosh I just love kids they are so caring. I know I have said this before but I see so much of Jesus in kids.
Afterwards I got to get coffee with their mom, Leslie. We just go to talk to each other about life and what was going on. It is awesome to get advice from someone who has lived what you are living right now. I am always grateful for the amazing people that the Lord has put into my life. I am thankful for the great care that people have for me.
I am learning more and more though that I need to be turning to Lord to tell Him about exciting things in my life instead of people and that is a huge struggle for me and something that I need to go about prayerfully and seek wisdom from the Lord about.
I pray this week that you are finding satisfaction in the Lord. That is something I am definitely struggling with this week. Although all of these wonderful things are happening this week I am just not feeling the Lord working in me. One of the big things that Leslie reminded me of is that no matter how I am feeling my status and relationship with the Lord never changes. Big reality check.
This weekend I am going home for a Down Syndrome fashion show and if you know me well you know how excited I am about it!!! My buddies Michelle and Steve are in it so it will be great to see them and just spend time loving them.
God is way too good to me. Don't forget to praise God for the beautiful life He has given you this week.
Sending Hugs,
Allison
This weekend was really great. Friday night I just hung out with a small group of friends and we just went to a couple stores and watched some T.V. Chill nights are probably the best thing. I love just hanging out and not having to try but just be with good friends.
Saturday morning Autumn and I got up and went to the train to head to Springfield. Of course it was pouring rain but it was great to just sit and talk with her and have really great intentional time with her without having anything we had to do.
We got there and we went to some shops and then went back to her husbands families' house and got ready for the wedding. After we got all dolled up we went to Popeyes for lunch (my first time and it was so yummy!) and then we went to the ceremony. The church was so nice and weddings are just such joyful occasions. You can feel the happiness emanating off the bride and groom and their loved ones.
They had a pretty big gap in between the wedding and the reception so we just drove around and saw some of what Springfield has to offer. We then went to this beautiful park and took some pictures and walked around. It was perfect time because all of the trees were changing and leaves were falling. We also caught the weather at a time that it wasn't raining.
There was a bell tower there and we went in to see how much it cost but neither of us had cash on us and we were going to go back to the car and find money but this wonderful couple heard us talking and came in and gave us money to go up. It was the sweetest thing!
The top was beautiful!! Oh my gosh the colors were so great and it was just amazing to see the capital over the tops of the orange, red, and green trees.
After this we went to the reception and it was outside in a tent but the inside of the tent had a floor and heater so you would have never known you were outside. Thank goodness for that because it was down pouring outside! We ate and danced and really had a blast just being goofy.
The next day we went to her church and man was it great. They talked about the Holy Spirit which is something I learned a lot about this summer and am really interested in learning more about. The pastor answered some questions about the Holy Spirit.
The first question was 'who is the Holy Spirit?' He reminded me that the Holy Spirit is another person but is also the same as Jesus. He shared that the Holy Spirits ministry is all about pointing people to Christ.
The second question was 'what does the Holy Spirit do?' The Holy Spirits ultimate goal is to help me be more and more like Christ. He is there to push me and challenge me. He compared the Holy Spirit to being like a coach in sports. A coach would push me, correct me, teach me, and encourage me. Whether or not you would consider yourself a Christian if you have accepted Christ in the past you have the Spirit living in you. When the Holy Spirit came into my life not only then did I have access to God but God has access to me.
My role is to simply allow the Holy Spirit to have more of me and allow Him to take control of my life.
I don't have to prove my love to God-He doesn't want my performance He wants my obedience.
This was a big reminder that the Lord spoke into my life this weekend: He said that the worst that can happen to believers is that they die and end up in eternity with the Lord.
I definitely don't give the Holy Spirit enough credit for all of the things he helps me do on a day to day basis and throughout my life.
I got to Skype a friend from home who I met with this summer and just talk about life and ask some questions about a book we are reading together. I am just so thankful for the way she speaks truth into my life and the way she pushes me to look at things from other perspectives.
Tonight I got the privilege of babysitting some wonderful kids. Gosh I just love kids they are so caring. I know I have said this before but I see so much of Jesus in kids.
Afterwards I got to get coffee with their mom, Leslie. We just go to talk to each other about life and what was going on. It is awesome to get advice from someone who has lived what you are living right now. I am always grateful for the amazing people that the Lord has put into my life. I am thankful for the great care that people have for me.
I am learning more and more though that I need to be turning to Lord to tell Him about exciting things in my life instead of people and that is a huge struggle for me and something that I need to go about prayerfully and seek wisdom from the Lord about.
I pray this week that you are finding satisfaction in the Lord. That is something I am definitely struggling with this week. Although all of these wonderful things are happening this week I am just not feeling the Lord working in me. One of the big things that Leslie reminded me of is that no matter how I am feeling my status and relationship with the Lord never changes. Big reality check.
This weekend I am going home for a Down Syndrome fashion show and if you know me well you know how excited I am about it!!! My buddies Michelle and Steve are in it so it will be great to see them and just spend time loving them.
God is way too good to me. Don't forget to praise God for the beautiful life He has given you this week.
Sending Hugs,
Allison
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