Being home has been more challenging than I expected. The first week was great. I was totally in the honeymoon period. I was happy to spend time with my family and start working again as a nanny. Then hit the rough patch.
My mom and I suddenly weren't getting along. I was struggling with lack of community and intentional relationships and I just felt stuck. I was avoiding spending time in the Word and in prayer. Honestly, I think a lot of that has to do with not having it built into my schedule like it was while I was in Berlin. Either way, I realized I was depending on my own power and not on the Lords power. I was allowing myself to take hold of my life and not giving up control to God.
Well today, my world was rocked. Don't you just love those moments? The moments when God opens your eyes so clearly to things you need to trust Him for. Today was a draining day for me. I woke up early to drive my mom to work, I went to work, and then had to go have dinner with my dad and my sister. At dinner tonight my dad broke the news to me that I might not be able to take the car with me to school right away. My plan was to drive myself down to school and then over Labor Day drive down to see my family in Kentucky. Did you catch that part of that sentence that isn't accurate. My plan. This life is never my plan. It is always Gods plan.
In big life decisions it is easy for me to give up control to God. But this little thing didn't seem like something I needed to surrender. But God calls me to surrender to Him in everything. So, as I was pushing against God's gentle pushes from the Holy Spirit to give up control all I can do is surrender. At work, with my family, with my friends, He wants it all. Not just some of it, all of it.
Another thing I am processing through is incorporating the Lord into my everyday life. When I step into the house of the family I nanny for it is so easy to believe the lie that I don't need God because this is what I am good at. Wrong again. I need God more than ever. Life is hard. God doesn't promise an easy life but He does promise to go before me in this life and stand beside me as I deal with weaknesses and struggles. I cannot do this alone and I praise God for never abandoning me even when I am pushing myself away.
In those moments where one of the boys I nanny is telling me to go away and slamming doors in my face for hours a day. In those moments where I am disagreeing with my parents and giving them a false image of Christ. In those moments where I choose worldly comfort and relaxation over gaining comfort from the Word of God. Those are the moments that I am able to see God pulling me back. Bringing me back into new mercies. Oh my, how beautiful is this precious gift.
I couldn't be more thankful for the gift of grace and that each morning when I wake up God is restoring me and has my life completely under control. Tears are welling up in my eyes as I write this. How beautiful and amazing it is to have a God who perfectly pursues me and teaches me that He is constant and always there. Every day, every step, every door slam, every hardship. Friends, if this is something you desire and you aren't already a follower of Christ, chase after God. He wants you to come into His kingdom and I would love to talk to you about the ways God is transforming my heart and how He can transform yours too.
Here is some scripture that is encouraging to me tonight:
"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."
Romans 5:1-5
Aren't these sweet words? God is present. He is here and I am grateful for grace.
One more thing, I am reading the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. Maybe you have heard of it but if not its a book about writing a list of one thousand things you are thankful for. And I am taking the challenge for a more joy filled life from acknowledging things I am grateful for. Even the little things. So, I will be posting some of them on my blog! Isn't that fun?! If you want to join me I would love it. Or ask me about it sometime...I will need some accountability. ;)
I praise God for you sweet people in my life. I truly love you all. Thank you so much for taking time to read this and for your sweet presence in my life. You are all such an amazing blessing and joy. Love you all!
In Him,
Allison
