Anchor.

Goodness, I just can't believe how fast these last few weeks has flown by. I cannot believe that we are already six weeks away from the semester being over. 

Life is just crazy but I am super thankful for the time that I got to spend with Lord tonight! (and for the time to blog!) It is pretty rare for me to get such a substantial time with the Lord so that was pretty great and I learned some pretty sweet things. 

The She Reads Truth study on the Songs of Ascents ended today and I am just blown away with how God has used that to teach me SO MUCH about his character. The last day was about praise and how important it is for God's word to so deeply dwell in my heart that it brings about a natural joy that can only be because of the Holy Spirit. 

As I was processing through that and some questions that came along with the study I realized how beneficial memorizing scripture is. I realized that if I expect to be consistently seeking Christ in daily decision making, it is important for me to have knowledge of his scripture so that when I can't spend time in the Word I can be reminded of the beneficial and ultimate truths of His Word. I also think it will allow me to have my day be more revolved around being Christ centered instead of Allison centered. 

Going along with my life being Allison centered I have been reading Living the Cross Centered Life still and gosh is God using that to teach me so much about feelings. I am a very feelings oriented person. If I am feeling crappy then that directly effects the way I feel toward God and that is just so screwed up. 

The book talked about how my relationship with God is not qualified by a certain "passion" that I seem to expect. In reality that is just prideful. My emotions and feelings are unstable and unreliable and are not the ultimate truth. For some reason I find myself giving my feelings the job of dictating how I live my life and the way I make decisions. Wrong. 

Here's a quote that called me right out on all of things discussed above:

"The humble are those whose first response to objective truth from God's word is not to ask, 'how do I feel?' but to say, I'm not going to let my faith be determined and directed by the subjective and the experiential. Instead I confess openly before God that I will believe the objective truths of his word regardless of how I feel." C.J. Mahaney 

So there it is, friends. What God is teaching me right now. My life is not Allison centered it is God centered and in order to allow this to be consistent in my life I need to be in prayer and consistently allow the Word of God to dwell in my heart. Feelings follow submission. If I submit myself to my great God then feelings of  joy that can only be explained by Jesus will come. Those are the feelings I want to experience-the feelings of gratitude for a Savior that are so strong that they could only be coming from the Holy Spirit. "And these feelings will be reliable because they are anchored in truth." (Mahaney) Anchored. Father, shape my soul to be anchored by Your truths and not by my feelings. I praise You for Your consistencies even when my feelings aren't consistent. 

As Holy Week begins I am examining my heart to be focused on and anchored in Christ. Jesus, allow my heart to be wrecked, changed, and humble me in worship of you by drawing nearer to the Cross.

Thanks for reading! 

Love, 

Allison  

P.S: I realized I didn't post ANY of my picture from my trip so here is a gem! (courtesy of Matt Adachi!): 

Obedience.

God is so good. Sounds super cliche and like something everyone says but gosh, all I can do right now is praise God for the way He is working in my life. The joy that my Savior is bringing me right now is uncontrollable to hold in. I have had this continuous grin across my face since returning from my Spring break trip in Panama City Beach, Florida. 

This past week I had the opportunity to share the gospel on the beaches with college students. Throughout the week we attended conference sessions where we were trained in evangelism and motivated by the word of God. 

Throughout the week I uncovered some major sin issues that I was struggling with. One of the biggest things I realized was how much of my worth I was putting in my relationships with my family and friends. My relationship with God depended on how my relationships were going with those closest in my life and I quickly realized how harmful this is to my relationship with the Lord. 

Along with the sessions we also had lots of time to just hang out, laugh, and be silly. We spent our nights getting Shamrock Shakes and playing games. It was so fun just to enjoy each others company in an atmosphere that was laid back and minus the pressure of always having somewhere to be or something to do. 

Transitioning back to campus was a lot easier than I expected it to be. School work and the weather (although it wasn't that warm in PCB) were the only places that I found it difficult to transition back. I am struggling to find motivation to accomplish my school work but yesterday I sat at my favorite coffee shop and did homework for four hours and it allowed me to accomplish lots of my school work which was good. When I get those times of motivation I just have to run with it. 

In the days since being back I feel like I have been learning more about Jesus and His reasons for coming to earth. 

I started reading Living the Cross Centered Life by C.J. Mahaney over break and this book has just rocked me already and I am only on like chapter three. Here is a quote that has been centering my life since being back on campus: 

"Jesus' anguish on this earth was infinitely darker than any other death-shadowed valley you or I will pass through, but by better understanding his suffering, we'll grow in consistent joy and zeal that will equip us for whatever trials God brings our way in the process of sanctification."

So cool. As I was reading my devotional for She Reads Truth today my world was rocked again by Jesus. In this plan we are reading through the Songs of Ascents and today's reading was Psalm 131 and Philippians 2:3-11. The heading for today's devotional content was humility. Pride is something that I have struggled with a lot in the past so when anything relating to humility normally strikes a special cord in my mind. So, here is what I learned! 

When we think of Jesus as humble we think he was humble because he came down to earth as a man and our go to answer for why is because he loved us. This is true but there is so much more. In reading this I came to the realization that that this is exactly what I was thinking. I thought I fully understood humility but there is more to the story. 

Jesus came to earth and humbled himself because his Heavenly Father asked Him to. He lived and died for the glory of God. Jesus dying on the cross was an act of obedience. This is the life I want to live. I pray my life is reflective of Jesus in this life, that if my Heavenly Father asks me to do something I would do it even if it meant giving up comfort or even dying a death incomparable to all other suffering I have ever experienced like Jesus did. This obedience is where I miss the mark. Granted, I will always miss the mark, and that is why I need a Savior, but I so desire to live a life of obedience. That is the definition of humility to me- surrendering to my Savior and being obedient to his call. 

"When we think of how and why He died, our thoughts should be on how amazing it was He could follow the path set for him to the very end, even while we turned our backs on Him and He had His heart break for us." 

That's it folks. That is what I see as humility. Even though we as humans turned our back on Jesus he still followed the path laid out for Him by God for His people. For me and for you. I look at my life and I wonder if the people in my life turned their backs on me would I still sacrifice my life for them? I have struggled with the fear that people would turn on me for a long time. But right now Jesus is meeting me where I am at and proving to me that it is worth it. That even if people turn their backs on me He will remain faithful and he proved that with the Cross. 

On a closing note here is something my friend Nicole and I realized today (verbal processing is the best!):

The sufferings God put me through on this earth was preparing my heart for this realization. That in the midst of the suffering I am dealing with in this world, I was able to relate to Christ and He used my trials to help me understand just a tiny part of what Jesus went through when He went to the cross for me.

What a Savior.

Love, 

Allison