Helping Hand.

Friends, the Holy Spirit was working in my heart this morning and I just really want to share with you and I pray you can be encouraged by this as well...:)

So, I was journaling this morning (probably one of my favorite things to do) and processing life with the Lord. Since being back to campus processing is something that has not been a part of life. I have been going through days unaware of how I am feeling and allowing myself to get wrapped in a lot of sin through my thoughts so this morning was much needed.

I was processing through the rut that I have been in and just feeling like I am in a ditch with no way to get out. I suddenly had this vision of a hand coming into the ditch and pulling me up. That hand was the hand of Jesus. It was a reminder that Jesus is my only hope for pulling me out of this place I am in. Not only is He capable of doing this but He wants to. What a Savior.

As I was preparing to get in scripture, I prayed that the Holy Spirit would guide me to Holy Words that would speak to me where I am at. My Provider gave me words to live by today.

"I stretch out my hands to you; my soul thirst for you like a parched land." Psalm 143:6 (ESV)

This is exactly what I needed.

Holy Spirit, you are pretty cool. Restore my faith. Give me trust. You are powerful. Help me to view you as consistent amidst the craziness of life.

God is good, friends...even in seasons of darkness.

Love you all! :)
Allison

Evidences of God's glory.

Friends, I am just so happy! God is working in crazy ways in my life and using me for His glory on the campus of Illinois State University. Of course there is always hard things so I will start there and save the best for last. 

Things with my family have been challenging for so many years and I always put unrealistic expectations on things getting "better". That is a lie that I commonly believe. But that is not something I am promised. I am not promised that life will be clean. My family life is so messy and it seems like there is something new every week that drags me down and it hurts.  It is easy for me to start believing the lie that God abandons me in those moments. That things with my family are just too much to handle. But the beautiful thing about that is it is not true. God can and has been using my story to help girls since I have been back into campus and I know he is going to continue to use these hard things to help me to express the concept of grace to other people. 

I have also been struggling a lot with people letting me down. Even in small things. It is so challenging because it stings extra hard for me when I am let down because of how let down I constantly feel from my family. My prayer is that my expectations for people would be non-existent and that I could be comforted by the fact that Christ will never leave my side. People will always let me down but there is so much beauty in the fact that God will never ever let me down. That is something I need to be constantly reminded of. (How many times have I typed these words?!)

So onto the ahhhhmazing things that are happening here. I am leading a bible study and we have had an incredible turn out of women coming desiring the Lord and desiring to learn about His word. The first week on campus I was crazy stressed because I was planning all sorts of events for Cru and it is so great to see the outcome of these parties. Women are seeking the Gospel and that is what I have been praying for. 

I have also been challenged with learning about how perfect God's timing is. The last two days I have slept through my alarm and woken up about thirty minutes late. Yesterday I showed up to class and it ended up being cancelled and I got to spend time in the Word. Today I woke up around the same time (late! ahh!) and had to go get a Criminal Background Check. I was really frustrated because I got there and there was already a two hour wait. Seriously INSANE! But...the good news is God gave me time to spend time with Him before my class. After I came back from class my name still hadn't been called and I was meeting with a girl at eleven. She came and met with me where the background check was and the Holy Spirit just showed up so evidently through this girl and through the Word. 

I am seriously humbled by the way God is choosing to use me for His glory since being back on campus. He does not need me but chooses to use me and encourages me along the way through His word and friends asking me how I am doing and caring about my life. So, thank you if you are someone who has simply asked me how I am doing since being back. It means more than you know to know I am cared about. That is something I need to be reminded of all the time. 

I have been really motivated by Psalm 63 and Psalm 118 since being back on campus.  (Go-read them!!!)  God has brought me to moments of tears realizing how much I need Him and has used scripture to show me that and I am in awe of how cool it is that I am able to experience God speaking to me through this Holy book. God is stretching me and pushing me to take advantage of His grace and the time He has allotted me to spend with Him. Even walking to campus as I see Watterson (the dorm I am leading in) in the distance I am motivated to pray for campus and that is not something that I used to doing. He is shaping me heart friends and it is the coolest! 

God is truly good, all the time and that has been SO evident since being back. He has taught me to process life with Him and not just rely on people for that. The first week on campus even though I was around people the whole time, I still felt incredibly lonely. I couldn't believe it. But, not surprising, God is using that to teach me to process through things I am feeling with Him and get perspective on that before bringing it to others. It really helps because then I see what things are coming out of a complaining or self-pity motivation or if they are really constructive to bring up. 

Thank you, Jesus, for teaching me daily what it looks like to live as the daughter of a perfect Heavenly King. 

Friends, if you are struggling bring it to the Lord. He wants to hear from you just like your friends want to hear from you. Bring struggles to Him first. If you need prayer please let me know. I would love to be lifting your name up into the heavens. 

Love you all!! :)

Allison 

Lead Me to the Cross.

Hello amazing lovely people! I am kind of in a very weird place right now. I am not feeling happy nor sad...I am just existing. This seems to be a common theme in my life. I will go through really happy seasons and then through very mundane seasons. I just cannot seem to experience consistency in my emotions and it is truly exhausting. 

I did start the 1,000 gifts challenge and it does help me to seek joy in little things...when I make time to actually do it. That has been the struggle of my summer since returning back from Berlin. Making time for Jesus and not believing that He is worthy of my attention and complete devotion and love. 

So, where do I go from here. I wish that I had the answer. The only answer that I have is to look toward the cross. This past week I was at Younglife camp with 28 students with special needs. For those who know me well you know that this is just a dream. I absolutely adore every single one of these students and it is cool for me to experience the cross in that. 

I truly believe that the love I have for my sweet kiddos is reflective of how much Christ loves me. Even after a melt down I still love them, even after being pushed I still love them, and even after living with them 24/7 I still love them the same. And that is how Christ views me. 

When I melt down and stray from Him, He loves me the same. When I push Him away because of unbelief, He loves me the same, and when He lives with me 24/7 and sees just how broken I am, He loves me the same. And this is all possible because of the cross and because of grace. 

Praise God for grace. I would be so lost without Jesus taking my sin and wiping my slate completely clean. And not only does He wipe my slate clean but He gives me life and a relationship with Himself. A perfect relationship that I will never experience with anyone else. 

So, as I look at how broken I am and how lost I have been since returning from Berlin, I run after the cross and bring my mind back to focusing on Christ. Back to the God who welcomes me back into His presence with open arms. So many students experienced the love of Christ this week and it was beautiful to hear the Gospel and be truly renewed by the love my Father has for me. 

As I close, I would love to share with you some highlights of my gift list: 

42. Choosing joy over complaining and self-pity. 

50. Hammocking on the beach and watching my kiddos swim. 

57. Having a massive dance party with all of the Younglife kids outside with glow sticks. Firework by Katy Perry comes on and fireworks go off over the lake. Absolute perfection. 

72. Seeing one of our girls hear about the cross and start crying. When asked why she responded "Jesus died". Just beautiful. 

80. Experience my kids singing "How He loves" as a wonderful ending to camp. (This song was a theme for our club this year so they are super familiar with it.)

86. The way the Lord consistently pursues me. 

87. Being reminded why students with special needs are worth pursuing with the gospel and that my passion for them can be used for God's glory. 

Thank you so much for reading and living life with me. I love sharing my heart with you and I pray it is encouraging to you!! :) 

Love you all,
Allison 

P.S. If you need prayer PLEASE let me know I would love to be praying for you!