Lead Me to the Cross.

Hello amazing lovely people! I am kind of in a very weird place right now. I am not feeling happy nor sad...I am just existing. This seems to be a common theme in my life. I will go through really happy seasons and then through very mundane seasons. I just cannot seem to experience consistency in my emotions and it is truly exhausting. 

I did start the 1,000 gifts challenge and it does help me to seek joy in little things...when I make time to actually do it. That has been the struggle of my summer since returning back from Berlin. Making time for Jesus and not believing that He is worthy of my attention and complete devotion and love. 

So, where do I go from here. I wish that I had the answer. The only answer that I have is to look toward the cross. This past week I was at Younglife camp with 28 students with special needs. For those who know me well you know that this is just a dream. I absolutely adore every single one of these students and it is cool for me to experience the cross in that. 

I truly believe that the love I have for my sweet kiddos is reflective of how much Christ loves me. Even after a melt down I still love them, even after being pushed I still love them, and even after living with them 24/7 I still love them the same. And that is how Christ views me. 

When I melt down and stray from Him, He loves me the same. When I push Him away because of unbelief, He loves me the same, and when He lives with me 24/7 and sees just how broken I am, He loves me the same. And this is all possible because of the cross and because of grace. 

Praise God for grace. I would be so lost without Jesus taking my sin and wiping my slate completely clean. And not only does He wipe my slate clean but He gives me life and a relationship with Himself. A perfect relationship that I will never experience with anyone else. 

So, as I look at how broken I am and how lost I have been since returning from Berlin, I run after the cross and bring my mind back to focusing on Christ. Back to the God who welcomes me back into His presence with open arms. So many students experienced the love of Christ this week and it was beautiful to hear the Gospel and be truly renewed by the love my Father has for me. 

As I close, I would love to share with you some highlights of my gift list: 

42. Choosing joy over complaining and self-pity. 

50. Hammocking on the beach and watching my kiddos swim. 

57. Having a massive dance party with all of the Younglife kids outside with glow sticks. Firework by Katy Perry comes on and fireworks go off over the lake. Absolute perfection. 

72. Seeing one of our girls hear about the cross and start crying. When asked why she responded "Jesus died". Just beautiful. 

80. Experience my kids singing "How He loves" as a wonderful ending to camp. (This song was a theme for our club this year so they are super familiar with it.)

86. The way the Lord consistently pursues me. 

87. Being reminded why students with special needs are worth pursuing with the gospel and that my passion for them can be used for God's glory. 

Thank you so much for reading and living life with me. I love sharing my heart with you and I pray it is encouraging to you!! :) 

Love you all,
Allison 

P.S. If you need prayer PLEASE let me know I would love to be praying for you!