Oh my, I haven't entered these beautiful writing grounds since November...can you believe that? I can't. I absolutely love blogging. It helps me process better than any other method and yet I have neglected to take part in the world of blogging. So I am back! Yay!
There is so much life that has not been documented here which makes me sad. This is not the only thing I have been neglected in the last months though. I have been neglecting God, too. And maybe that is why I didn't want to blog...because I felt so distant and far off from God and I didn't want to take time out of the busyness to figure out why. Don't hear me wrong, I didn't stop believing in God by any means, I just felt distance.
Some of you know this about me but I am often found guilty of relying on my feelings for everything. If I am sad then I start to believe the lie that Christ isn't sufficient enough for me. And if I am happy then I believe the lie that I am too sufficient for Christ. What contradicting statements. But what truth of what goes on in my heart. I have had some really sad days this semester. I have experienced sadness that I haven't experienced since high school. It really is crippling. Part of it is my body adjusting to a new medicine and part of it is my disbelief in Gods ability to give me joy through Himself and not submitting to the Holy Spirits power.
All of this has come to a crashing halt this week. I had another "down day" this week. I was angry at everyone and everything...I was annoyed at everyone and everything...and I had barely any motivation to even get out of bed. I was just sad. And I found myself desiring to fall into a state of self-pity and sleep to escape it. I thought it would make me feel better.
Praise God, I am way too busy to just sleep to escape it anymore and I really just had to live through it. And it sucked. I went to babysit a family in town who I have really fallen in love with this semester since I started babysitting for them. They are the most authentic and real believers I have ever met. They praise God with open hands and hearts and are instilling that in their children. I truly love being there...but this day I just didn't want to and yet God totally used it.
Colleen (the mom) could tell I was off and as soon as I came in the door she embraced me with a beautiful hug. What a beautiful picture of my Savior embracing me when I come home to Him. And she didn't even know anything was wrong. She told me to just sit down and relax. Isn't that what Christ says to us? My Child, take time to rest in my presence. I love this picture. What a redeeming moment for this believers heart.
I have also been thinking a lot about condemnation. At church on Sunday, the pastor preached on Romans 8. Lately when I have been going to church I haven't felt a ton of conviction or things actually sticking to my heart but this week there were globs of sweet beautiful truths covering and sticking to my messy heart. (think gum people :))
He shared with us about condemnation and that has been in my head and changing my heart all week. Read this....its life-changing people!!
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.[a] 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you[b] free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin,[c] he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit."
He asked us if we could allow our hearts to believe that there is actually no condemnation? That in the eyes of Christ and as His daughter, I am set free in Christ despite my sin. I have a 0% chance of being condemned by Christ as His daughter. I can trust this like I can trust that there is a 0% chance of snow in Hawaii on a given day. (His analogy not mine) So, I am looking to truth this week instead of relying on my feelings.
I am looking at how Christ loves me so much and lovingly embraces me every time I come home. How God can look at me and know somethings wrong and He wants to hear about it. How he has given me His Spirit to rely on and find joy through. How he has given me His word as a way to connect to His presence. I am learning to have a consistent grateful heart towards the goodness of God and believing that there is 0% chance of condemnation in Christ. Believe with me brothers and sisters?
Love you all!
Allison Neal
