This week has been a major struggle. We got support coaches which is great and the amazing women who is my support coach is actually the women that I babysit for on a weekly basis so it is fun to get to have her helping me out.
Anyways, she asked for all of my numbers on how many letters I had sent out and how many phone calls I had made and how much money I had and it just really stressed me out.
I was so confident going into the process of support raising that I didn't see a need to rely on the Lord. I knew that I had people in my life who loved me and who would love to support me financially and therefore the process of support raising turned into something I thought I could do on my own.
A couple of weeks ago I had prayed that God would put me in a circumstance where I would have to surrender so much to His power that I would have to completely rely and trust on Him for strength and He came through on that prayer.
I began feeling extremely anxious about support raising and was scared that God wouldn't provide. I was believing lies that God wasn't going to bring in all the money and thinking that maybe I wouldn't be able to go.
Once I realized the lies I was believing I started telling myself that God wanted me in Berlin this summer and He gave me a heart for His people and desires me to surrender to His will in this way and therefore would bring in the support I needed.
I am not sure why it is so scary to trust a God who is all powerful. And that power that raised His Son from the dead for my sins lives inside of me. He can do this. Only He is capable of doing this. I must trust in this amazing power.
This week has really brought my emotions to a low point. I am extra irritable and until this afternoon wasn't really sure what was causing this lull.
I realized I am having trouble depending on the Lord. I got this idea in my mind that I didn't need to be dependent on Him and that is so far from the truth. If anything, I need His dependence more than ever through this process. Only God can give me strength right now. Only God can give me an indescribable joy from being dependent on Him and believing in the Gospel.
My confidence right now is in my lack of joy. My hope is based on my performance and when I don't preform my joy slides. I am allowing myself to be defined by the fact that I am feeling sad and not in the fact that I am a daughter of the King who suffered so much more on my behalf than any suffering I will ever experience. God delights in me and is never disappointed in me.
So, as I continue this last month (and three days:)) of support raising I am desiring to allow God's comfort and strength to take hold of my heart. I want the gospel to fill my heart so much that I have a joy that I can't explain because it is coming from the Holy Spirit. (I have experienced this before and it is pretty great!) I let my pride and self-reliance get in the way of my relationship with the Lord. I let Satan feed me lies that are so untrue.
I ask for prayer for this because it is not going to be easy for me to give Him control and return my dependence back to Him but it is worth it. He will provide. He will help me combat these lies.
The beautiful part of all of this is that no matter how distant I am feeling from the Lord I am always justified. From the moment I accepted Christ I am justified permanently in my position in Christ and am now confident that my sin is wiped away because he credited my sin to His Son.
God is all I need. He is my power source and my place of reliance. Let this be true of my heart. Praise God for growing me closer to Him already through the process of support raising. He is everything I could hope for. His love is unfailing and overflows. I need Him. I can't do it alone.
"Now all glory to God, who is able through His mighty power at work within us to accomplish more than we might ask or think." Ephesians 3:20
Love you all! God bless!
Allison :)
P.S. I did the math and I am officially supported for 22 days of 37! If you are interested in giving here is the link! https://give.cru.org/0684541
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Your Will Be Done.
I know I just blogged like two days ago but God is teaching me some pretty sweet things this week and I just wanted to share!
In the last two days the story of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane has come up in my times with the Lord and it has proven to be a huge blessing and given me a whole new outlook on Jesus and how my walk with God should reflect His.
It is so cool how in this part of the Bible I get to experience Jesus as a human. I get to see how He struggled too and it just makes it even easier to relate to Jesus when I see Him in such a vulnerable state. In the book I am reading (Living the Cross Centered Life-I know I have mentioned it a lot but it is rocking me right now!) it talks about how the cross brought feelings of abandonment to Jesus. The pain that Jesus is waiting to experience on the cross is that of abandonment from His Father, he was separated from God in the garden when His purpose of going there was to get comfort from Him.
It has just been made more and more clear to me how much Jesus loved me to do what He did for me and you. Jesus took this cup with no bitterness for his people but instead humbly took it for those who oppose Him.
It is so cool to me when Jesus uses His Word to help me relate to Him. Earlier this semester I was struggling with not feeling as pursued by people as I desired to be and one of my friends pointed out to me that I am experiencing what God experiences all the time with His people. People never pursue God the way he would desire them to and I got to taste a tiny piece of what God feels.
Now I am having a similar experience and it is so amazing. I praise God for the feelings of abandonment I have felt in my life because he is using that to show me how He felt when heading to the cross. Certainly mine and Jesus' life are in different contexts but we both had feelings of abandonment toward our fathers.
I pray as I come back to seasons where abandonment is a more prevalent issue that I would draw back to the garden and remember Jesus' response. That even when its hard to say "Yet not what I will, but what you will" that I would remember that it is worth it to follow Gods will in times of struggle because Jesus thought I was worth it. Jesus meant it, wholeheartedly when he said that he desired Gods will to be done in His life even if it meant times of pain and suffering. Let this be my prayer.
As I look at things that I desire in my life I look back at my prayer life. The second place the garden has come up is in the She Reads Truth study on prayer. Right now it is talking about prayers of petition. In the garden, Jesus petitions and asks God to remove the cup but He also submits the cup to His Father and trusts God to give Him what He needed because after all God knows best! :)
I am learning how much a struggle this idea of trusting God with what I need is. It is easy for me to think that I know what I need better because I know myself better. Wrong. When I pray for something I must remember that prayers are answered in God's timing and in Gods way and that the prayers I pray must be on Gods heart. God knows what is best for me and if I just submit His will will be done.
Isn't God amazing?! I am beyond grateful for the way He is drawing me closer to Him as I prepare to go to Berlin for Summer Project!
Just an update on support! I am at $3,370!! Praise God from whom all blessings flow! As I continue to prepare I ask that you be praying for my heart to continue to grow for sharing the gospel with those who are lost
I would love to be praying for you send any requests my way!
Sending love!
Allison
In the last two days the story of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane has come up in my times with the Lord and it has proven to be a huge blessing and given me a whole new outlook on Jesus and how my walk with God should reflect His.
It is so cool how in this part of the Bible I get to experience Jesus as a human. I get to see how He struggled too and it just makes it even easier to relate to Jesus when I see Him in such a vulnerable state. In the book I am reading (Living the Cross Centered Life-I know I have mentioned it a lot but it is rocking me right now!) it talks about how the cross brought feelings of abandonment to Jesus. The pain that Jesus is waiting to experience on the cross is that of abandonment from His Father, he was separated from God in the garden when His purpose of going there was to get comfort from Him.
It has just been made more and more clear to me how much Jesus loved me to do what He did for me and you. Jesus took this cup with no bitterness for his people but instead humbly took it for those who oppose Him.
It is so cool to me when Jesus uses His Word to help me relate to Him. Earlier this semester I was struggling with not feeling as pursued by people as I desired to be and one of my friends pointed out to me that I am experiencing what God experiences all the time with His people. People never pursue God the way he would desire them to and I got to taste a tiny piece of what God feels.
Now I am having a similar experience and it is so amazing. I praise God for the feelings of abandonment I have felt in my life because he is using that to show me how He felt when heading to the cross. Certainly mine and Jesus' life are in different contexts but we both had feelings of abandonment toward our fathers.
I pray as I come back to seasons where abandonment is a more prevalent issue that I would draw back to the garden and remember Jesus' response. That even when its hard to say "Yet not what I will, but what you will" that I would remember that it is worth it to follow Gods will in times of struggle because Jesus thought I was worth it. Jesus meant it, wholeheartedly when he said that he desired Gods will to be done in His life even if it meant times of pain and suffering. Let this be my prayer.
As I look at things that I desire in my life I look back at my prayer life. The second place the garden has come up is in the She Reads Truth study on prayer. Right now it is talking about prayers of petition. In the garden, Jesus petitions and asks God to remove the cup but He also submits the cup to His Father and trusts God to give Him what He needed because after all God knows best! :)
I am learning how much a struggle this idea of trusting God with what I need is. It is easy for me to think that I know what I need better because I know myself better. Wrong. When I pray for something I must remember that prayers are answered in God's timing and in Gods way and that the prayers I pray must be on Gods heart. God knows what is best for me and if I just submit His will will be done.
Isn't God amazing?! I am beyond grateful for the way He is drawing me closer to Him as I prepare to go to Berlin for Summer Project!
Just an update on support! I am at $3,370!! Praise God from whom all blessings flow! As I continue to prepare I ask that you be praying for my heart to continue to grow for sharing the gospel with those who are lost
I would love to be praying for you send any requests my way!
Sending love!
Allison
Monday, April 8, 2013
In need of a Savior.
Hello lovely friends!!
First of all lets just comment on this beautiful weather?!?! So much joy have come from these last three days that have been in the 70s! I went to the zoo and a baseball game Saturday, got to grill out yesterday after church and then I laid on the quad for a couple of hours and did homework and today just walking to class and having my windows open in my room is just making me happy happy happy!! :) I must say I am beyond thankful for this weather.
Anyways, lots has happened this week. Some good, some kind of crazy but at this point I am just content which is a major blessing because this last week was kind of tough as you read from my last post but it is cool to see God using these things for His glory. Let me unpack that a little bit...:)
After my little rough patch with my mom last week things have significantly improved. We never really talked it out and I am not sure if we ever will because our argument was based on something we probably will always have to agree to disagree on. One cool thing about it though was that it brought my sister and I a little closer. Some of the things we have to go through because of my parents divorce sucks but it is nice to have someone to do it with who can completely relate because she is living it too.
This week has really grown me closer to the Lord which is great. I had to remind myself often that I was loved and cherished by Christ and that he would never let me down. I think by realizing how much I am believing lies it helped me realize the importance of fighting those by reminding myself promises of my always faithful God. This is something I have been praying God would make present in my life and he has been faithful.
This week I have been learning a lot about my condition as a sinner. (I am still reading Living the Cross Centered Life) Knowing this about my self has helped me to process through my need for a Savior and has been huge in growing me closer to the Lord because it shows me how much suffering Jesus had to take on. It is just crazy to me that he would do this for me!
Here is a couple quotes that I think describes our condition well as well as our need for a Savior:
"Our condition is having no possible way to atone for our sin, nor any possible way to free ourselves from enslavement." C.J. Mahaney
"If Christ the redeemer had been only God he could not have died, since God by His very nature cannot die. It was only as a man that Christ could represent humanity and die as a man. As God, however, Christ's death had infinite value sufficient to supply redemption for the sins of all man kind. Clearly then Christ had to be both God and man to secure mans salvation." Ron Rhodes
PRAISE JESUS for divinely rescuing us from this crazy sinful condition we are in. PRAISE JESUS for coming to earth and suffering so that we can now have personal relationship with Him. I know I couldn't imagine my life without a Savior and this amazing relationship that is now possible.
God has really taught me how to be more conscious of my condition in repentance as well. The She Reads Truth study going on right now is all about prayer and it has talked about repentance quite a bit and it has been so cool to see repentance becoming more of a regular thing in my heart and it is cool to see biblical support for it.
So that is what I am learning this week. In no way am I able to reach my Savior on my own but through the blood of Jesus Christ I am saved and am cleansed by the power of the Cross and through repentance. Praise God for his grace!
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"
2 Corinthians 12:9
Love,
Allison
First of all lets just comment on this beautiful weather?!?! So much joy have come from these last three days that have been in the 70s! I went to the zoo and a baseball game Saturday, got to grill out yesterday after church and then I laid on the quad for a couple of hours and did homework and today just walking to class and having my windows open in my room is just making me happy happy happy!! :) I must say I am beyond thankful for this weather.
Anyways, lots has happened this week. Some good, some kind of crazy but at this point I am just content which is a major blessing because this last week was kind of tough as you read from my last post but it is cool to see God using these things for His glory. Let me unpack that a little bit...:)
After my little rough patch with my mom last week things have significantly improved. We never really talked it out and I am not sure if we ever will because our argument was based on something we probably will always have to agree to disagree on. One cool thing about it though was that it brought my sister and I a little closer. Some of the things we have to go through because of my parents divorce sucks but it is nice to have someone to do it with who can completely relate because she is living it too.
This week has really grown me closer to the Lord which is great. I had to remind myself often that I was loved and cherished by Christ and that he would never let me down. I think by realizing how much I am believing lies it helped me realize the importance of fighting those by reminding myself promises of my always faithful God. This is something I have been praying God would make present in my life and he has been faithful.
This week I have been learning a lot about my condition as a sinner. (I am still reading Living the Cross Centered Life) Knowing this about my self has helped me to process through my need for a Savior and has been huge in growing me closer to the Lord because it shows me how much suffering Jesus had to take on. It is just crazy to me that he would do this for me!
Here is a couple quotes that I think describes our condition well as well as our need for a Savior:
"Our condition is having no possible way to atone for our sin, nor any possible way to free ourselves from enslavement." C.J. Mahaney
"If Christ the redeemer had been only God he could not have died, since God by His very nature cannot die. It was only as a man that Christ could represent humanity and die as a man. As God, however, Christ's death had infinite value sufficient to supply redemption for the sins of all man kind. Clearly then Christ had to be both God and man to secure mans salvation." Ron Rhodes
PRAISE JESUS for divinely rescuing us from this crazy sinful condition we are in. PRAISE JESUS for coming to earth and suffering so that we can now have personal relationship with Him. I know I couldn't imagine my life without a Savior and this amazing relationship that is now possible.
God has really taught me how to be more conscious of my condition in repentance as well. The She Reads Truth study going on right now is all about prayer and it has talked about repentance quite a bit and it has been so cool to see repentance becoming more of a regular thing in my heart and it is cool to see biblical support for it.
So that is what I am learning this week. In no way am I able to reach my Savior on my own but through the blood of Jesus Christ I am saved and am cleansed by the power of the Cross and through repentance. Praise God for his grace!
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"
2 Corinthians 12:9
Love,
Allison
Monday, April 1, 2013
Adopted.
Friends:
I am experiencing some tough things right now.
I get so upset with myself when I let things with my family consume me again. I have to consistently bring myself back to promises about Christ when I get into times like these.
Right now I am feeling so down and depressed. I cannot remember the last time I have felt this down and so it is really frustrating to me to be feeling this way. Lately I have been experiencing such joy in Christ despite circumstances but I think this just put it over the edge.
I did have something cool happen today, though. I have been really processing through the importance of prayer before diving into the Word and before turning to people amidst times of struggle and temptation instead of God.
Today as I was walking to my favorite coffee shop and I was hoping that someone would be there that I could talk to about all of the things going on. As I was processing that, I stopped my thoughts and lifted up my concerns to my Heavenly Father. Praise God for answered prayer in revealing to me times when I need to be in communication with Him instead of going right to humans.
To be honest, my feelings still haven't really changed but it was a good reminder for me to know the importance of relying on the Lord to get me through.
Praise God for being consistent through all of my crazy emotions and all of the trials of this life.
This weekend I went home with a friend for Easter (my family was out of town) and had some conflict with my parents on Saturday and due to lack of time and desire (mostly the latter) I avoided even thinking about it but it still affected every fiber of my being.
It made me doubt the joy that I can have in Christ. It made me doubt that Christ is a constant in my life when everything else seems to be going haywire. Today, I am resting in and constantly reminding myself of Gods nature.
Of His love for me and his desire to be a part of my life. Of His amazing promise of an eternity with Him after a faithful life on this earth. As a dear friend put it yesterday, "lets just go to live an alternative reality where there is no sin or commitments or things that suck. Wait. That's heaven. So ready for that!" I can't wait for that day!
But while I am here and living my life on earth I must return to the presence of my great God. I must depend on the power of the Holy Spirit to get me through my days and not on my own power. I must give all of my life to Christ to use for his glory rather than using things that are happening in my life for pity or to glorify myself.
There it is, dear friends. All on the line in front of your eyes. I am broken and things get messy but this life is a blessing from a God who will never abandon me in my time of need and even better, has adopted me as His daughter forever.
I am so grateful for my brothers and sisters in Christ who have the ability to point me back to the gospel. It makes my heart happy to be striving after Jesus with all of you and your ability to love me in the midst of my brokenness!
Thanks for reading friends! I really love you all! (Here is a video of how God continues to shape and transform my life! Please let me know if you have any questions! :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LMUrRW3zQM)
I am experiencing some tough things right now.
I get so upset with myself when I let things with my family consume me again. I have to consistently bring myself back to promises about Christ when I get into times like these.
Right now I am feeling so down and depressed. I cannot remember the last time I have felt this down and so it is really frustrating to me to be feeling this way. Lately I have been experiencing such joy in Christ despite circumstances but I think this just put it over the edge.
I did have something cool happen today, though. I have been really processing through the importance of prayer before diving into the Word and before turning to people amidst times of struggle and temptation instead of God.
Today as I was walking to my favorite coffee shop and I was hoping that someone would be there that I could talk to about all of the things going on. As I was processing that, I stopped my thoughts and lifted up my concerns to my Heavenly Father. Praise God for answered prayer in revealing to me times when I need to be in communication with Him instead of going right to humans.
To be honest, my feelings still haven't really changed but it was a good reminder for me to know the importance of relying on the Lord to get me through.
Praise God for being consistent through all of my crazy emotions and all of the trials of this life.
This weekend I went home with a friend for Easter (my family was out of town) and had some conflict with my parents on Saturday and due to lack of time and desire (mostly the latter) I avoided even thinking about it but it still affected every fiber of my being.
It made me doubt the joy that I can have in Christ. It made me doubt that Christ is a constant in my life when everything else seems to be going haywire. Today, I am resting in and constantly reminding myself of Gods nature.
Of His love for me and his desire to be a part of my life. Of His amazing promise of an eternity with Him after a faithful life on this earth. As a dear friend put it yesterday, "lets just go to live an alternative reality where there is no sin or commitments or things that suck. Wait. That's heaven. So ready for that!" I can't wait for that day!
But while I am here and living my life on earth I must return to the presence of my great God. I must depend on the power of the Holy Spirit to get me through my days and not on my own power. I must give all of my life to Christ to use for his glory rather than using things that are happening in my life for pity or to glorify myself.
There it is, dear friends. All on the line in front of your eyes. I am broken and things get messy but this life is a blessing from a God who will never abandon me in my time of need and even better, has adopted me as His daughter forever.
I am so grateful for my brothers and sisters in Christ who have the ability to point me back to the gospel. It makes my heart happy to be striving after Jesus with all of you and your ability to love me in the midst of my brokenness!
Thanks for reading friends! I really love you all! (Here is a video of how God continues to shape and transform my life! Please let me know if you have any questions! :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LMUrRW3zQM)
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