20!

So yesterday was the big day...I am officially in my twenties! That sounds so crazy to me. I was reminded by a friend that I beat teen pregnancy so that is a plus. ;)

The night before my birthday I got a package from a best friend with a picture frame of some pictures of us in it, it was great. Then we went to a basketball game and my roommate and I were on the jumbo-tron! It was so exciting!! Then mid way through the game my kids called me. They were having a movie night and they called me and sang to me and then each talked to me and then I got to talk to each of them and they each told me happy birthday. It just started my early birthday out right!

The next day was the big day. I went to church and then worked in the nursery second service.

After church we went to Flat Top for lunch (I got a free bowl for my birthday-YUM!) and it was just fun to be with friends and celebrate all together.

Afterwards my friend Autumn and I went to our favorite coffee shop and had a quiet time while I was waiting for my friend Tayler to come because we were going to hang out. She got there and we just talked about life for an hour and it was really great to get to know her better!

Then I went back to my room because my mom and my sister wanted to Skype but little did I know that they were coming to ISU to surprise me and take me to dinner! They had balloons and my mom gave me one hundred of the three hundred dollars I needed for my Berlin deposit. So cool! :)

We went shopping for a few things and then went to Biaggis for dinner. So yummy!! :) I had a free birthday dessert (creme brulee) that I was dying to use! It was just fun to have them there just to hang out with me, talk, and laugh.

After dinner my family left and I went over to my friend Autumns and she gave me an awesome canvas with Colossians 2:7 written on it and a tree on it! (I LOVE TREES!) And isn't she talented?! Then, just when I thought the birthday festivities were over my friends Matt and Tayler brought me an awesome homemade cookie cake!

I felt SO loved!

It was just a really great day. I would go as far to say this was my favorite birthday so far. I got to spend the day with people I love and people who love me. It just made it so clearly evident how blessed I am.

So just wanted to give a special thank you for all those who made my birthday so special! :)

Love you all!
Allison

Sweet love.

So folks, exciting things happening right now a midst some not so great things. I'll start with the not so great things because I want to end on a good note.

Since coming back to school I have kind of had a tough time readjusting to being back. I didn't really realize it until I was hanging out with a friend and she pointed out that I was acting weird. Because she is my best friend she noticed and no one else did because she knows me so well! I love that I have someone in my life who notices these little things about me and then helps me figure out the deeper issue.

Well, I didn't really know anything was wrong until she said something. In a sense I was avoiding dealing with these emotions that I didn't even know I was feeling.

If you read my last post you read about my struggle with my dad and how hard it is for him not to be more supportive of me. We haven't talked since I came back to school and he sent me horrible text messages that if I reread them I would probably burst into tears. He sent me an email today with more things in it about how he isn't going to support me because I failed him. I am really have a rough time dealing with it.

I won't answer his calls and just have no desire to talk to him because I know it is going to end up in a screaming match and tears will be shed and I just can't emotionally handle that right now. The funk I have been in has been affecting everyone around me.

I don't feel myself but I also know now is not a good time to have that conversation with him because I am not ready to be gracious or kind to him. I am so angry and so sad.

The biggest relationship that is affected by my relationship with my dad is my relationship with the Lord. That has been a huge part of why I have been down. I just don't feel like I am connecting with the Lord well since I have been back and that is so difficult for me to work through.

But I am constantly reminding myself of the insanely cool truths of my Heavenly Father. I can never do anything that will ever fail him and he will never fail me. He is so consistent and looks on me with so much love.

This week the phrase "your love never fails" has been running through my head. That has been the central focus to remembering these truths about the Lord. At church on Sunday I was just really distracted and wasn't getting a ton out of the message so I decided to take the last ten minutes of service to journal. I journaled about Gods love never failing and how his love will endure forever. Then after we got out of church I looked at my email. I get a verse a day from K-love radio and the verse said "Give thanks to the Lord for he is good! His faithful love endures forever." (Psalm 106:1) Super weird.

Then we got in the car and the song came on. It was then all made clear what was going on.

I guess I am struggling in feeling like God is going to feel like I failed him for something and reminding myself that that is never the case is crucial to working through this. Satan is just trying to feed me these stupid lies that I am not good enough.Thankfully no matter how much I think this I will always be good enough for God and that is good enough for me. God has this sweet love that will always be there and is so different than any other love. Amen?!

So after all that crummy stuff there is some exciting news!!

This summer with Cru I am going to Berlin, Germany for five weeks for Summer Project! Basically, I will be sharing the gospel with college students there! Leading up to this I will post more about why I am going and why I feel like it is important for me to go! Thanks for those of you who are walking in life with me through my blog and through day to day life. I am super encouraged by all of you! Please let me know if there is any ways I can be praying for you!! :)

These next couple weeks Cru is having an outreach where we are going to go talk to students about the gospel using a special survey called the "Quest Survey". Pray that students would be reached on this campus and see the beauty of life in Christ.

"The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love." (Psalm 103:8) 

Love you all!
Allison

Perfect Timing.

This is a tough post for me to write. However, I am learning the importance of being vulnerable and so I am just going to be honest with all of you. 

I got an email a couple days ago from my adviser. I knew I had a pretty tough semester grade wise this semester but I guess I didn't realize or chose not to realize how bad it was. I am not really sure which. Anyways, the email basically read that because of my grades this past semester I would not be able to register for any of my major classes. 

My heart dropped. I immediately burst into tears and must have sat looking at my computer with my mouth covered for at least five minutes repeating "oh my gosh" just completely in shock that I let myself get there. 

I called my parents and told them and their reactions could not be more opposite. My dads reaction was the hardest to hear. As a friend put it he is very goal and results oriented. He told me that until he sees results he will not support me. He claims that support is earned. Major ouch. 

I called my mom and her response was much more loving. She told me that I would get through this and continually has encouraged me to dig myself out of this. She sees the benefits of encouraging me in the moment not once I succeed. 

What I learned from both of these is again the importance of grace. However people treat me and however people act toward me I need to treat them like Christ and love them as Christ loves me. 

I have to be honest I was mad at God. I didn't want to talk to Him and I was avoiding having a quiet time like the plague. I now realize I was mad at God for interfering with the plan I had for my life. But that is not how it works, my plan doesn't matter and that was made very evident.

I finally made myself do a quiet time this morning because I knew that would be the only way I would feel better because only in Christ will I find true hope and joy. 

I am reading the bible in a year and I have been pretty behind so I wanted today to be a catch up day. The Lord totally spoke to me through His word today. Not surprising I guess but also a good reminder of the encouragement and fulfillment it provides. 

My future lies in the hands of Christ and my hope lies in the fact that my eternity is in heaven with Christ. 

Just because I have to stay an extra semester at school doesn't mean that I am any less worthy of salvation in Christ. Just because I have to retake a couple classes doesn't mean that I am seen as any less valued in Christs eyes. The lessons of this are far outweighing how much the feeling of letting down my parents and letting down myself are. 

The beautiful part is that I can never let down Christ. I will never be a failure to my Heavenly Father. I can't think of any better of a promise. 

I was pretty down for the past couple days and today was reminded of the importance of finding joy in the Lord. When I was on my cruise I read the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Here is a few quotes that I found that I found really encouraging in a moment of weakness that has turned into a moment of new found strength. 

"The bible teaches us to be consumed with Christ and to faithfully live out His words, the Holy Spirit stirs in us a joy and peace when we are fixated on Jesus, living by faith, and focused on the life to come." 

"If I stop pursuing Christ, I am letting our relationship deteriorate."

This is beyond true. I haven't had a quiet time for many days. As soon as I started finding my refuge in Christ my focus became back on Him and my joy began to be found in Him again. 

Today I did my She Reads Truth study. The January study is called "Fresh Start." I just started it because I couldn't do it while I was on the cruise since I didn't have internet. Today was about Genesis 3. I have read Genesis 3 so many times that when I saw that was what it was I thought to myself "what could I possibly get out of this?" Boy was my thought process off. 

When the serpent tells Eve she can be "like God", for the first time women were discontent with the provisions of God and the one thing she couldn't have she now desires. 

Eve and myself have something in common here.We both know that there is one God and we both have everything we could need in Him. But I am all too often guilty of being in control and trying to call my own shots. 

It was made clear to me that I have taken a bite of the "guilty fruit" in that I have been discontent to trust the Lord God in the garden of provisions he has made for me. 

Could this not have been more perfect timing? I am learning the value in trusting God for His plan and the importance of not making plans on my own. This couldn't have been a more humbling and difficult experience but I must say I am grateful for friends who point me back to Christ in the tough times and for God for using His Holy Spirit and His Word to speak into my life. 

"Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:56 

Thanks for reading! :) 
Love, 
Allison 

Christmas Fun.

Here is what happened pre-cruise! A new post will happen about the cruise/things I learned on it is to come soon! 

I am going to do most of this in pictures so enjoy! 

I got to babysit the boys I watch in the summer! We watched a Christmas movie and played with my cats! They love the cats!!! 

I babysat the boy that I work with at Younglife! We went to Xtreme trampoline! 

My best friend and I had a fun Christmas party with all of our kids! 

Liam dressed up as Santa! :)

My beautiful friend Michelle! 

Paige, Elliot, and I enjoying the photo booth! 

Autumn came in town for a wedding and she spent the night and we drove around with peppermint hot cocoa and looked a Christmas lights around Naperville! 

My Dad and I completed this puzzle in like five hours! 

Christmas Eve we went to church and had dinner at a yummy steak house with my dad! We spent Christmas day at my moms! 

My dad took us skiing for a couple days! 

Thanks for looking at the pictures!! :) Hope you enjoyed them! Talk to you soon! 
Love, 
Allison