Perfect Timing.

This is a tough post for me to write. However, I am learning the importance of being vulnerable and so I am just going to be honest with all of you. 

I got an email a couple days ago from my adviser. I knew I had a pretty tough semester grade wise this semester but I guess I didn't realize or chose not to realize how bad it was. I am not really sure which. Anyways, the email basically read that because of my grades this past semester I would not be able to register for any of my major classes. 

My heart dropped. I immediately burst into tears and must have sat looking at my computer with my mouth covered for at least five minutes repeating "oh my gosh" just completely in shock that I let myself get there. 

I called my parents and told them and their reactions could not be more opposite. My dads reaction was the hardest to hear. As a friend put it he is very goal and results oriented. He told me that until he sees results he will not support me. He claims that support is earned. Major ouch. 

I called my mom and her response was much more loving. She told me that I would get through this and continually has encouraged me to dig myself out of this. She sees the benefits of encouraging me in the moment not once I succeed. 

What I learned from both of these is again the importance of grace. However people treat me and however people act toward me I need to treat them like Christ and love them as Christ loves me. 

I have to be honest I was mad at God. I didn't want to talk to Him and I was avoiding having a quiet time like the plague. I now realize I was mad at God for interfering with the plan I had for my life. But that is not how it works, my plan doesn't matter and that was made very evident.

I finally made myself do a quiet time this morning because I knew that would be the only way I would feel better because only in Christ will I find true hope and joy. 

I am reading the bible in a year and I have been pretty behind so I wanted today to be a catch up day. The Lord totally spoke to me through His word today. Not surprising I guess but also a good reminder of the encouragement and fulfillment it provides. 

My future lies in the hands of Christ and my hope lies in the fact that my eternity is in heaven with Christ. 

Just because I have to stay an extra semester at school doesn't mean that I am any less worthy of salvation in Christ. Just because I have to retake a couple classes doesn't mean that I am seen as any less valued in Christs eyes. The lessons of this are far outweighing how much the feeling of letting down my parents and letting down myself are. 

The beautiful part is that I can never let down Christ. I will never be a failure to my Heavenly Father. I can't think of any better of a promise. 

I was pretty down for the past couple days and today was reminded of the importance of finding joy in the Lord. When I was on my cruise I read the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Here is a few quotes that I found that I found really encouraging in a moment of weakness that has turned into a moment of new found strength. 

"The bible teaches us to be consumed with Christ and to faithfully live out His words, the Holy Spirit stirs in us a joy and peace when we are fixated on Jesus, living by faith, and focused on the life to come." 

"If I stop pursuing Christ, I am letting our relationship deteriorate."

This is beyond true. I haven't had a quiet time for many days. As soon as I started finding my refuge in Christ my focus became back on Him and my joy began to be found in Him again. 

Today I did my She Reads Truth study. The January study is called "Fresh Start." I just started it because I couldn't do it while I was on the cruise since I didn't have internet. Today was about Genesis 3. I have read Genesis 3 so many times that when I saw that was what it was I thought to myself "what could I possibly get out of this?" Boy was my thought process off. 

When the serpent tells Eve she can be "like God", for the first time women were discontent with the provisions of God and the one thing she couldn't have she now desires. 

Eve and myself have something in common here.We both know that there is one God and we both have everything we could need in Him. But I am all too often guilty of being in control and trying to call my own shots. 

It was made clear to me that I have taken a bite of the "guilty fruit" in that I have been discontent to trust the Lord God in the garden of provisions he has made for me. 

Could this not have been more perfect timing? I am learning the value in trusting God for His plan and the importance of not making plans on my own. This couldn't have been a more humbling and difficult experience but I must say I am grateful for friends who point me back to Christ in the tough times and for God for using His Holy Spirit and His Word to speak into my life. 

"Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:56 

Thanks for reading! :) 
Love, 
Allison