Sweet love.

So folks, exciting things happening right now a midst some not so great things. I'll start with the not so great things because I want to end on a good note.

Since coming back to school I have kind of had a tough time readjusting to being back. I didn't really realize it until I was hanging out with a friend and she pointed out that I was acting weird. Because she is my best friend she noticed and no one else did because she knows me so well! I love that I have someone in my life who notices these little things about me and then helps me figure out the deeper issue.

Well, I didn't really know anything was wrong until she said something. In a sense I was avoiding dealing with these emotions that I didn't even know I was feeling.

If you read my last post you read about my struggle with my dad and how hard it is for him not to be more supportive of me. We haven't talked since I came back to school and he sent me horrible text messages that if I reread them I would probably burst into tears. He sent me an email today with more things in it about how he isn't going to support me because I failed him. I am really have a rough time dealing with it.

I won't answer his calls and just have no desire to talk to him because I know it is going to end up in a screaming match and tears will be shed and I just can't emotionally handle that right now. The funk I have been in has been affecting everyone around me.

I don't feel myself but I also know now is not a good time to have that conversation with him because I am not ready to be gracious or kind to him. I am so angry and so sad.

The biggest relationship that is affected by my relationship with my dad is my relationship with the Lord. That has been a huge part of why I have been down. I just don't feel like I am connecting with the Lord well since I have been back and that is so difficult for me to work through.

But I am constantly reminding myself of the insanely cool truths of my Heavenly Father. I can never do anything that will ever fail him and he will never fail me. He is so consistent and looks on me with so much love.

This week the phrase "your love never fails" has been running through my head. That has been the central focus to remembering these truths about the Lord. At church on Sunday I was just really distracted and wasn't getting a ton out of the message so I decided to take the last ten minutes of service to journal. I journaled about Gods love never failing and how his love will endure forever. Then after we got out of church I looked at my email. I get a verse a day from K-love radio and the verse said "Give thanks to the Lord for he is good! His faithful love endures forever." (Psalm 106:1) Super weird.

Then we got in the car and the song came on. It was then all made clear what was going on.

I guess I am struggling in feeling like God is going to feel like I failed him for something and reminding myself that that is never the case is crucial to working through this. Satan is just trying to feed me these stupid lies that I am not good enough.Thankfully no matter how much I think this I will always be good enough for God and that is good enough for me. God has this sweet love that will always be there and is so different than any other love. Amen?!

So after all that crummy stuff there is some exciting news!!

This summer with Cru I am going to Berlin, Germany for five weeks for Summer Project! Basically, I will be sharing the gospel with college students there! Leading up to this I will post more about why I am going and why I feel like it is important for me to go! Thanks for those of you who are walking in life with me through my blog and through day to day life. I am super encouraged by all of you! Please let me know if there is any ways I can be praying for you!! :)

These next couple weeks Cru is having an outreach where we are going to go talk to students about the gospel using a special survey called the "Quest Survey". Pray that students would be reached on this campus and see the beauty of life in Christ.

"The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love." (Psalm 103:8) 

Love you all!
Allison