I AM FULLY SUPPORTED FOR BERLIN!!!!!
My heart is just ready to burst with joy. My smile has been off the wall pretty much all night. I am feeling so much peace and I am not going to lie, I feel pretty content to be done with this
process and to be able to examine my heart for where I am at with the Lord and the ways He has grown me in these last couple months.
This whole process has proven to be a time in my life that I have had to seek dependence and reliance on the Lord more than ever. That has probably been the biggest challenge. This was reflected in the way that I sought the Lord through this process. Because this process landed in the busiest time of the year for school it was even harder to seek the Lord. As I look back, I am realizing how little I was seeking His face in my daily life. I knew He was constant and I knew He was there with me through this, but the daily surrender was the place I recognized the most distance from the Lord.
I tend to use the excuse of busyness often as a way to push myself away from the Lord when I am not experiencing His presence. As I am realizing this to be so true of my heart I am asking the Lord to push me toward His presence as I am home for these two weeks before project. (I leave TWO WEEKS from today!) I have so much time right now that I can spend hours of my day with the Lord. I can come and sit at a coffee shop (like I am doing right now!) and journal and get in the word and blog and pray. No longer do I have an excuse because I have no commitments right now. I just have time.
As I was just starting the support raising process I had prayed that God would teach me to trust, rely, and surrender to Him. I prayed that He would challenge me leading up to project because I knew that actually going on project I would need to rely on the Lord more than I ever have before and so I wanted to start now so that I could go into project with a new found dependence on His power. Friends, prayer is powerful and God is faithful because this experience has proven to be that for me. God has taught me what it takes to trust in Him and has proved that He will provide in big ways when I do.
There were some weeks where I was having so much anxiety about going. Satan was whispering in my ear so many lies. Lies about not raising enough money and about God not wanting me in Berlin. Once I recognized these lies I was able to combat them. I know when I get to Berlin these lies are going to be intensified and I will need to continue to recognize them through the power of the Holy Spirit and combat them with truths about God.
God also provided some really good weeks. When I came home last week I was kind of apprehensive about going to church just because it is hard to come back when most of my friends there are still at school. But I went and I am so glad I did. The pastor preached about how we often come across crisis' of belief meaning stepping up and trusting God that He knows what He is doing with His plan for my life. I was thinking, "okay, I have done that in deciding to go to Berlin, now what?" The Pastor then talked about how God gives us God-sized missions and we have to trust Him to provide those because we can't do them on our own. After hearing this I surrendered the process back up to the Lord and since then He has provided all my support. Why didn't I do this before?!?! haha :) God has shown me the importance of faith throughout this whole process.
I have been told that many people in Berlin have never even heard of Jesus. Every time I tell someone that or think about it my heart pains for those people. Of course Satan doesn't want us there. He wants to keep Jesus as in the dark as possible. But then I remember my favorite verse and the title of this blog. "God is light, in Him there is no darkness at all." 1 John 1:5....that is what I have to cling to. He is light and even though there is so much darkness there, He is good and faithful and desires for the people He created to be drawn into His presence.
I feel humbled that God wants to use ME for His great work in Berlin. He is using ME to bring light to these people....WHAT THE HECK?! I think that is the coolest thing ever.
As the date to leave (May 23rd) is getting closer I keep looking back to last year. One year ago I was absolutely against going for God. I wanted to keep my job that I loved and wanted to be comfortable. I didn't want to go through the process of support raising because I didn't want to be uncomfortable. It is so cool to see how God has transformed my heart. How now I am going for God. I was willing to sacrifice my job but God has perfect timing and I get to keep my job AND go to Younglife camp.
I am just feeling incredibly blessed in this moment. Part of my quiet time tonight was in the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15). Tonight, after many days of running from God and not spending time with Him, He has drawn me back to Him. The most beautiful and amazing part is that He welcomes me with open arms and delights in me when I come back. I praise God for his willingness to stick by me through this process and for how much it is within His character for Him to never leave me or forsake me.
He can't wait to be right with me and, unlike a human, His affections for me will never be subdued or change. God truly is good all the time.
Thanks to those who stuck with me through this crazy and at times messy journey. I am so grateful for all of you. And of course for all those who have prayerfully and financially supported me. You all rock. :)
PLEASE let me know how I can be praying for all of you! :)
Sending love,
Allison
