This semester, I spend two full days a week at a junior high in town with students with learning disabilities and ADHD. And let me tell you, I love it. I'm sure this doesn't surprise most of you. :) After spending time processing with my roommate this morning, I realized some really cool things about my relationship with my students.
My students, albeit high functioning, have a deficit mentally. Without the help of me and my cooperating teacher (CT) meeting my students at their ability level, they wouldn't function well at school. They would try to live up to the expectations of their teachers, peers, and state standards and they would ultimately fail. They need my CT and I to function at school. Without us, they would not make it to the next grade.
Similarly to my students, we all have heart deficits. Sinfully, we cannot live up to the standard that Christ has set for us. These deficits are exposed mentally, physically, spiritually, relationally, and emotionally. The only way that we can get to the end is by having a Teacher intervene, our Savior Jesus needs to enter into our lives. Jesus meets us beautifully where we are and saves us without having to perform to a worldly standard.
My students do not always perform at the same level as their peers. They have extended deadlines for projects and extra help during class. If they choose to play a game instead of doing their homework during study hall, they receive grace. If they argue with us about our expectations for their behavior, they receive grace. (And punishment too) If they forget to turn in an assignment (as many of them do), they are able to turn it in late even when they don't deserve to. And when they forget to turn in an assignment again and again and again, they receive grace upon grace upon grace. When I walk in sin and don't repent, I receive grace. When I choose other things over spending time with God, I receive grace. When I turn to my friends to help me make decisions over God, I receive grace. He extends me grace upon grace upon grace. Chance after chance after chance.
Christ is willing to meet YOU right where you are today and stand beside you in ruins and brokenness no matter how bad you think your deficit is. His goal for His students is to have salvation and have us in heaven with Him. The only thing we have to do is accept Him and repent (ask for forgiveness) and receive His grace upon grace upon grace.
I LOVE my students. I am beyond passionate to drive them to do their work so that it is honoring to their teachers. Our lives should be reflective of this. We love God so much that we desperately want to honor Him by the way we live our lives. This doesn't mean your salvation will be taken away if you don't read your bible every day or pray all the time. But, if we believe God is so worthy of our lives, like my students do of their teachers, we want to do things that are glorifying to Him and allow us to put a greater identity in Him.
Our deficits are not greater than our Teacher can handle. In fact, our Teacher is so much greater than our greatest, deepest weakness. What deficit can you lift up to your Father and put in His control and allow Him to extended grace upon grace upon grace you you today?
Love,
Allison
Saturday, September 20, 2014
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Health Update.
Hey friends!
I hope that all is well in your lives. In the craziness of school and exhaustion from my health I have had (what feels like) no time to spend in this atmosphere. Needless to say, I am thankful to be back and take time to share with you about my health and process some things that have been very difficult lately. So, I appreciate you coming here and meeting me in this sacred place. I pray you leave her in a greater understanding of the Gospel. So here goes nothing....:)
Since my last post, I have been on a steady decline with my health. The biggest symptom that effects my daily life is extreme exhaustion. I am constantly tired. Even after sleeping over twelve hours at night. I just don't feel energy. Some days are definitely better than others and for that I am thankful. Those good days are the days I cherish and treasure. As a result of being so tired, I am having a hard time focusing on things and I have been having memory issues. (Memory issues could potentially be linked to seizures too). One day two weeks ago, I developed a fever while at my Gospel Community. I was supposed to go to my Action Group bible study with Cru but my body was so clearly telling me that I needed rest. I called my bible study leader crying saying that I didn't think I could handle doing ministry with Cru during this season. I was terrified to even bring that topic up but she graciously told me that I need to take care of myself and that it was okay. So, about a week ago was my last week doing official ministry with Cru. While I am still involved in the weekly meeting and one discipleship relationship, my roles have drastically changed and I am thankful for a season of rest.
I have gone to three different doctors in the last week for different things in hoping to get some answers for why I am feeling so lousy. The first doctor I went to was a homeopathic doctor that goes to my church. He found some problems with my ability to get deep sleep, detox estrogen, keep yeast in my stomach, and of course I again had a sinus and head infection. He started me on some natural supplements to help these things. While at his office (Praise God!) I fainted. I think it is because of my lack of appetite and therefore my lack of nutrients in my system. Just another push from the Lord that my body needs more rest. Right now, I am only eating two small meals a day and have lost about fifteen pounds. The sleep medication that I am on seems to be having adverse effects to my system and causing me to feel wired after I take it and I have been waking up every three to four hours in the night. I am a hot mess. ha.
Then, I went to the gynecologist. I have been having severe pain in my left breast. I already had a follow up appointment for a medication he put me on so I had him give me an exam and he told me that I have pebble-like cysts and need to take Vitamin E for a month to see if the swelling of them goes down. Right now the cysts are filling with fluid and causing insane pain. If the pain doesn't go away, I will have to have an ultra-sound to rule out potential and more severe things.
Finally, I went to a general practitioner. Members of my family wanted me to get blood work done to check some of my levels. After telling him my symptoms, he came to the conclusion that I was just really depressed. I did not agree. Depression has definitely been part of my symptoms but is not the root cause. This weekend we had lots of friends in town and during a party we had for them, I had to go take a nap. I was so sad to not be with them but I just couldn't make it through. This is what makes me think it is not depression.
I have many other symptoms but I won't bore you! :)
Spiritually, it continues to be a season of dryness but at the same time, I feel like the Lord is growing me so much. I am having a hard time believing that the Lord is doing his good for me by causing my body to physically fail. I just can't wrap my mind around it. And it is so painful. At church this morning we sang a song about God wrapping his arms around us. I don't feel anywhere near comforted by God right now. Believe me, I so badly want to be because I know it will help but I just got this image of me tearing God's hands off my body and pushing him away. I am having a hard time trusting someone who is putting me through pain for His good. That just seems backwards to me.
So, I am dealing with anger and frustration on a consistent basis. I know in my head the things that could help make it better and I just don't seem to have any drive left in me to run towards God. I pray that this changes. I need God. I am evidently insufficient without Him. And that is where the Gospel comes in. I need to be saved by someone greater than I. Not my doctors or medication but by Jesus who shed his blood for me, the woman who is running away from Him in frustration. And every time I return he wraps His arms back around me. Friends, will you pray for me that I would find my sufficiency in Christ rather than in my physical health? Would you pray that I would rely on God's work over the work of my medicine or doctors? And finally, would you pray that my heart would be softened in order to be comforted by God?
That was an insanely long post and I appreciate you bearing with me through it all and giving me a place to process. I am beyond thankful for those standing beside me in a very difficult season of life.
Love you all,
Allison
I hope that all is well in your lives. In the craziness of school and exhaustion from my health I have had (what feels like) no time to spend in this atmosphere. Needless to say, I am thankful to be back and take time to share with you about my health and process some things that have been very difficult lately. So, I appreciate you coming here and meeting me in this sacred place. I pray you leave her in a greater understanding of the Gospel. So here goes nothing....:)
Since my last post, I have been on a steady decline with my health. The biggest symptom that effects my daily life is extreme exhaustion. I am constantly tired. Even after sleeping over twelve hours at night. I just don't feel energy. Some days are definitely better than others and for that I am thankful. Those good days are the days I cherish and treasure. As a result of being so tired, I am having a hard time focusing on things and I have been having memory issues. (Memory issues could potentially be linked to seizures too). One day two weeks ago, I developed a fever while at my Gospel Community. I was supposed to go to my Action Group bible study with Cru but my body was so clearly telling me that I needed rest. I called my bible study leader crying saying that I didn't think I could handle doing ministry with Cru during this season. I was terrified to even bring that topic up but she graciously told me that I need to take care of myself and that it was okay. So, about a week ago was my last week doing official ministry with Cru. While I am still involved in the weekly meeting and one discipleship relationship, my roles have drastically changed and I am thankful for a season of rest.
I have gone to three different doctors in the last week for different things in hoping to get some answers for why I am feeling so lousy. The first doctor I went to was a homeopathic doctor that goes to my church. He found some problems with my ability to get deep sleep, detox estrogen, keep yeast in my stomach, and of course I again had a sinus and head infection. He started me on some natural supplements to help these things. While at his office (Praise God!) I fainted. I think it is because of my lack of appetite and therefore my lack of nutrients in my system. Just another push from the Lord that my body needs more rest. Right now, I am only eating two small meals a day and have lost about fifteen pounds. The sleep medication that I am on seems to be having adverse effects to my system and causing me to feel wired after I take it and I have been waking up every three to four hours in the night. I am a hot mess. ha.
Then, I went to the gynecologist. I have been having severe pain in my left breast. I already had a follow up appointment for a medication he put me on so I had him give me an exam and he told me that I have pebble-like cysts and need to take Vitamin E for a month to see if the swelling of them goes down. Right now the cysts are filling with fluid and causing insane pain. If the pain doesn't go away, I will have to have an ultra-sound to rule out potential and more severe things.
Finally, I went to a general practitioner. Members of my family wanted me to get blood work done to check some of my levels. After telling him my symptoms, he came to the conclusion that I was just really depressed. I did not agree. Depression has definitely been part of my symptoms but is not the root cause. This weekend we had lots of friends in town and during a party we had for them, I had to go take a nap. I was so sad to not be with them but I just couldn't make it through. This is what makes me think it is not depression.
I have many other symptoms but I won't bore you! :)
Spiritually, it continues to be a season of dryness but at the same time, I feel like the Lord is growing me so much. I am having a hard time believing that the Lord is doing his good for me by causing my body to physically fail. I just can't wrap my mind around it. And it is so painful. At church this morning we sang a song about God wrapping his arms around us. I don't feel anywhere near comforted by God right now. Believe me, I so badly want to be because I know it will help but I just got this image of me tearing God's hands off my body and pushing him away. I am having a hard time trusting someone who is putting me through pain for His good. That just seems backwards to me.
So, I am dealing with anger and frustration on a consistent basis. I know in my head the things that could help make it better and I just don't seem to have any drive left in me to run towards God. I pray that this changes. I need God. I am evidently insufficient without Him. And that is where the Gospel comes in. I need to be saved by someone greater than I. Not my doctors or medication but by Jesus who shed his blood for me, the woman who is running away from Him in frustration. And every time I return he wraps His arms back around me. Friends, will you pray for me that I would find my sufficiency in Christ rather than in my physical health? Would you pray that I would rely on God's work over the work of my medicine or doctors? And finally, would you pray that my heart would be softened in order to be comforted by God?
That was an insanely long post and I appreciate you bearing with me through it all and giving me a place to process. I am beyond thankful for those standing beside me in a very difficult season of life.
Love you all,
Allison
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