Stand Firm.

I am writing this post at a time of struggle. 

I was really excited to go home this weekend and am now dreading it. I was even making a Christmas bucket list that I was looking forward to accomplishing with my sister and friends (not that that won't still happen) but then my mom told me she is struggling with something again that makes me so angry. 

I didn't even know how to react. The first reaction that I had was to just cry. I hurt for her. I long for her to be healthy. I want going home to be good but I just know due to my anger it is going to be hard to control that.

After crying and being VERY angry and both of us sending angry and hostile texts back and forth I had to stop and just think. 

I first had to remember promises of my perfect Parent. My parents, my siblings,and my friends will never be the way I want them to be and I need to accept that they aren't perfect and remember that I have a perfect God who meets and exceeds all exceptions. (This is something I have been wrestling with all semester.)

I came to the realization that I struggle and have temptations too and if God has grace for me then he most definitely has grace for my mom. I was also reminded that her sin struggles are in no way better or worse than mine. We are on even ground and I need to be respectful to her because of that. 

I realized all these things about my mom but I also realized some things about myself and my personal relationship with the Lord in these few short hours. It always amazes me how God can use such a negative situation positively. 

I was listening to a song by The David Crowder Band (my favorite Christian band) and one of the lyrics was "what I need is for you to bring me back on my feet." 

That is exactly what I needed. I needed to be encouraged by the Lord that he is constant and always there and he did just that. He showed me that only he can bring me back on my feet and back into a firm relationship with Him. Just as the name of this blog states, God brought me light today. He showed me the importance of standing firm on his name. 

I know I am going to need to rely on God so much as I go home and to fight the good fight. My prayer as I go home for myself is that God would deliver me, guide me, and strengthen me because I am going to need these things.

The really cool thing is that God can take hold of this if I give it up to him and I am grateful for his ability to do so. I know God can pull me through any and all situations that I will ever face and I am thankful for the promise of a perfect eternity. 

I am praying that I am seeking to find worth in the Lord and in His love for me rather than the lack of care I am feeling from people and in the world. 

To a few happier things...this morning I got to babysit with a friend for the staff kids for Cru. It is always nice to get off campus and kids make me so happy so that was really great to do that. 

I really am excited for my winter break bucket list!! I will probably end up blogging about it a couple times over break! I have a huge list of like thirty things so hopefully I get them all accomplished. 

In Nineteen days I leave on my cruise! Another very exciting thing to look forward to. 

Friends, thank you for reading and partnering in life with me. I really appreciate you. 

Enjoy your breaks and good luck on the rest of your finals (if you have them!)!

Love you all! 
Allison