Break was such a mix of craziness. Overall I would definitely describe break as good but there was definitely some speed bumps that came along with being home but I guess that can only be expected.
My break involved a trip to Medieval Times, getting coffee with friends, visiting my kids at school, seeing Pitch Perfect with some of the kids I babysit, shopping with my sister, cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and attending a second Thanksgiving dinner and there celebrating the recovery of a dear friend from cancer. So much to be joyful about and yet I just wasn't.
When I am home it is often difficult for me to find joy within my family. Like any family it is difficult to get along all the time and they know just how to push your buttons to make you upset. In no way am I innocent in this because I totally know how to push the buttons of my family. However, I love my family and I am so thankful for them. I know God is going to use the circumstances that we have been placed in.
Life just got really crazy. There was some things that occurred in my house that made it difficult to get along with my parents. I need to be really careful not to act like I know better than my parents but trust that the Lord is having them do what they do for a reason.
My walk with the Lord was also difficult for me while I was home. It is easy for me to make myself really busy and not focus on the promises of the Lord.
Some struggles were revealed within my family this weekend too and it was just hard to hear. I know the Lord will use these things but it is hard to believe it when you see those close to you hurting. I wouldn't say that I am angry with God but things like this definitely affect my relationship with the Lord.
Coming back to school has been an adventure. I am not quite sure how I am feeling...right now all I am doing is processing and that is all that I can do right now. I don't feel happy nor do I feel sad...I just feel like I am existing and that is so hard. I want to have a loving relationship with the Lord and I am just not enjoying his presence as much as I normally do.
That being said that does not mean that I am no being taught things by the Lord because I totally am. It is so great to see the Lord teaching me things throughout tough times.
The Lord is teaching me that no matter the time of year to be thankful for Him and the things He has blessed me with. I was challenged to make a list of all the blessings the Lord has given me. It is easy in times of hardship to only think negative so it is good to look back on the list and remember the amazing life God has blessed me with.
I was also shown through a dear friend the importance of praying confidently. God has the power to move mountains and if I pray big he will give greatly. One way I am seeing the importance of this is the Greek ministry. I am meeting with one of the Cru staff members to start discussing the Greek ministry and I ask for prayer in this. I ask for BIG PRAYERS! Pray that so many women in these houses would learn to love the Lord and pray that I wouldn't be prideful about the things that happen there. It is easy for me to take the credit but it is GOD and the HOLY SPIRIT that is going to do huge things for this campus!!!
I am also being reminded of the promise that is the name of this blog. God is LIGHT...there is no darkness in Him. No matter how much darkness I am feeling right now God is a light for me no matter the circumstance. His love never fails and it endures forever. Now that is something that I can be grateful for!
I am also reading Philippians with She Reads Truth and read a verse today that said "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" (4:4) Gosh I love when the Lord reveals His truths right in His word and right when I need them. Just again telling me to be joyful in the Lord no matter the circumstance. Rejoice always my dear friends!
My focus needs to be on Christ always. I need to be giving up every worry that I have about my family to the Lord because only He can have power over it and bring me peace through it.
This weekend I am going home (even though I was just there!) and take some of my kids that I work with on a Polar Bear weekend with Younglife. I am so excited. I know I have said this before but seeing this gets worship Jesus is so beautiful! I am excited to be in a different place and spend time with the Lord as well as time with my kids with special needs. Pray for energy for the leaders and for understanding of the kids that can understand the promise of the gospel.
I praise God for my friends that are loving me so unconditionally and patiently despite my tough time and I am so grateful for them. God is so good to me it is just taking me some time to want to believe that. Thank you for reading dear friends and know you are loved. I would love to hear from you and be praying for you!
Thanks for reading dear friends!
Allison
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