I have mentioned this in the past but I am still really struggling with it. I just don't like when I don't feel God moving in my life and although I know that it doesn't change my position in Christ it is hard to remind myself of that often.
I have been really discouraged with a lot of things that are happening in my life and when things aren't going well it effects many things around me.
I am a very verbal processor and so it doesn't really affect my relationships because if I don't talk about things then I am not going to realize anything out of them. I am thankful for the few people that I got to really be vulnerable this week. I am thankful for the people who just listen. That is very powerful to me when someone can just listen and tell me that it will be okay and give me great Christ centered advice.
I went to a wedding this weekend and it was just beautiful. The couple truly love the Lord and it is so cool to see the picture that Christ has for his church in their relationship.
Nothing else very exciting happened this week that is worth writing about. It was just a bland and very plateaued week.
Tonight however was not bland in any sense of the word. :)
I have started regular babysitting for a family once a week. They come pick me up from campus and I get to go to their house and hang out for a couple of hours.
When I walked in today one of the little boys came up and was giving me kisses on the hand. He said that now I was a part of their family because you are only supposed to give kisses to people in your family. It feels so good to have a home away from home here and a place where I feel so loved by everyone in their house! (even the dog!)
Whenever they bring me back to campus the mom and I get to spend some time to just talk and I am so thankful for the time that we get to spend talking.
We talked a little bit about being filled in Christ tonight and about doing things that fill you up and it was such a powerful conversation.
I wasn't feeling filled this week but after that I feel filled. I feel like we were able to be real with each other and she spoke so much truth in my life. At home I am so connected with families that are not my own and I love them so much and so I feel blessed to find a family to be connected with on so many different levels! I even got to help out with their family photos this weekend! :)
Just when I feel like I have been kicked to the ground God pulls me right back up. I had a really great quiet time (something that has been majorly lacking in my life this week) when I got back today. I spent some significant time in prayer-also something that has been non-existent-and in the word and just worshiping God for all His love.
I am praying that I would see God this week in the little things and not just in big moments. I am praying that the Holy Spirit would show me what it looks like to live a life of no doubts in my all powerful God. I really struggled this week with doubting some things that the Holy Spirit was telling me and believing lies that were, as I look back on it, from Satan.
The story talked about Jesus being hungry and that he went up to a tree and it wasn't bearing fruit only leaves so he told it to wither and it immediately did. It just again proves how powerful Jesus is. The verse that finished this part of the chapter struck an extremely powerful cord in me.
"Truly I tell you. if you have faith and do not
doubt not only can you do what is done to the fig tree,
but also you can say to this mountain,
'Go throw yourself into the sea',
and it will be done.
If you believe, you will receive whatever
you ask for in prayer"
Matthew 21:22-23
God sure knew tonight (and always knows) what scripture to put in my hands and what songs to play on my Pandora channel! i was reminded tonight that never is anything by chance but always at Gods hand and plan.
I love you all thanks for reading!
Allison
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