Testimony

So I figured it was about time that I wrote out my testimony. I don't know that I have ever actually done this but I feel like the people reading my blog deserve to know where I come from. 

As a kid my family went to church every Sunday and was very involved. My mom did MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers) and my siblings and I went to AWANAs. When I was in fifth grade, for a reason I still don't know, my family decided to stop attending that church and find a new one. We never really found another one and eventually just stopped attending all together. 

It never really occurred to me in my junior high years that that was weird or that anything was wrong with us not going. 

Flash forward to sophomore year of high school. I was majorly struggling with depression. I would come home every day and go right to sleep. It seemed like I would come home, go to sleep, wake up and eat dinner, and go back to sleep. I was unsuccessful in school and was quickly submerging into a black hole. One day I couldn't do it anymore and decided to seek some help. 

I went to the school's social worker and sat with her and cried for a long time. It was helping me to cope with a lot of the negative thoughts I was having. I began to seek counseling outside of school as well. 

One day my friend invited me to come to her winter retreat with her. Her step of faith really changed my life. I went on the retreat and was, for the first time, finding joy in the Lord. In no way did I know what walking with the Lord really meant but I knew that I was finding happiness for the first time in a very long time. 

Throughout high school I was living what I would call a moral life. I wasn't drinking or swearing or doing things my peers were doing. Before I came to college that is how I thought I was supposed to be living. I didn't understand that Christianity is not what you do but instead your personal relationship with the Lord. 

High school was very difficult for me. I went through lots of friendships and wasn't being filled by those friendships and really not being fully filled by the Lord. After losing many friends that weren't good friends and constantly used me I started getting to know the kids with special needs at my school. That is when a lot of what Christianity was clicked for me. I saw Jesus' unconditional love through the kids and was living off of that. 

My senior year was by far the toughest. The summer before it was one that I expected to be fun, filled with friends and the best job ever! Little did I know God was going to shake my life upside down once again as I was just starting to feel stable. 

My parents told my siblings and I that they were going to get divorced. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever heard. For that next year I spent it all being angry and unhappy. 

There was unfaithfulness on both sides of my parents marriage and I had a really hard time seeing that their sin wasn't any better than any of mine. For that year our house was on the market and my dad was living in our basement and it was so hard to see him every day knowing how torn our family was.  

My house was so broken. My heart was so broken. I spent so much time crying and filling my brain with lies about how horrible my dad was and how terrible it was that he had turned on our family and how bad what we were going through was. 

That fall a tragedy hit my family and my brother tried to take his own life. Thankfully he was unsuccessful but it hurt seeing him so sad. 

Finally our house sold and my dad moved out and we were able to start moving on with our lives. I started going to therapy again to work through all of the anger I was experiencing. 

It wasn't until college that I was able to really experience the grace that Jesus has given us. 

Coming to college was a huge breakthrough moment. Being away from my dad helped me to see that I had no right to be so angry at him and he is loved by God too. 

I still experience trust issues with friendships from this. I still am terrified that people are going to turn on me and not be true friends to me. However, I am thankful to God for showing me true friendships at school but most of all showing me that above anyone on this earth I am able to trust Him. 

Finding Cru was probably the biggest blessing. I had definitely heard the gospel coming into school but never really knew what it meant to live and breathe for Jesus. 

This girl, who is my best friend today, asked me for my phone number at the freshman picnic that Cru holds every year. She was so persistent and would text me every time a Cru event was being held. 

After a couple of months I was between two ministries and decided to go with Cru. Throughout the course of the year I was involved in a bible study and was mentored by a wonderful upperclassmen who poured so much truth into my life. She really showed me Jesus and a lot about grace and what sin looked like and how to combat it. 

I learned and grew so much. I was in the word (and actually understanding it!!), reading books recommended by a wonderful friend, and taking steps of faith I never even knew were possible. 

The Holy Spirit really worked in my life last year and I am finding so much more joy in life thanks to my gracious, loving God! 

I love you all! 
Allison