In need of a Savior.

Hello lovely friends!! 

First of all lets just comment on this beautiful weather?!?! So much joy have come from these last three days that have been in the 70s! I went to the zoo and a baseball game Saturday, got to grill out yesterday after church and then I laid on the quad for a couple of hours and did homework and today just walking to class and having my windows open in my room is just making me happy happy happy!! :) I must say I am beyond thankful for this weather. 

Anyways, lots has happened this week. Some good, some kind of crazy but at this point I am just content which is a major blessing because this last week was kind of tough as you read from my last post but it is cool to see God using these things for His glory. Let me unpack that a little bit...:) 

After my little rough patch with my mom last week things have significantly improved. We never really talked it out and I am not sure if we ever will because our argument was based on something we probably will always have to agree to disagree on.  One cool thing about it though was that it brought my sister and I a little closer. Some of the things we have to go through because of my parents divorce sucks but it is nice to have someone to do it with who can completely relate because she is living it too. 

This week has really grown me closer to the Lord which is great. I had to remind myself often that I was loved and cherished by Christ and that he would never let me down. I think by realizing how much I am believing lies it helped me realize the importance of fighting those by reminding myself promises of my always faithful God. This is something I have been praying God would make present in my life and he has been faithful. 

This week I have been learning a lot about my condition as a sinner. (I am still reading Living the Cross Centered Life) Knowing this about my self has helped me to process through my need for a Savior and has been huge in growing me closer to the Lord because it shows me how much suffering Jesus had to take on. It is just crazy to me that he would do this for me! 

Here is a couple quotes that I think describes our condition well as well as our need for a Savior: 

"Our condition is having no possible way to atone for our sin, nor any possible way to free ourselves from enslavement." C.J. Mahaney 

"If Christ the redeemer had been only God he could not have died, since God by His very nature cannot die. It was only as a man that Christ could represent humanity and die as a man. As God, however, Christ's death had infinite value sufficient to supply redemption for the sins of all man kind. Clearly then Christ had to be both God and man to secure mans salvation." Ron Rhodes 

PRAISE JESUS for divinely rescuing us from this crazy sinful condition we are in. PRAISE JESUS for coming to earth and suffering so that we can now have personal relationship with Him. I know I couldn't imagine my life without a Savior and this amazing relationship that is now possible. 

God has really taught me how to be more conscious of my condition in repentance as well. The She Reads Truth study going on right now is all about prayer and it has talked about repentance quite a bit and it has been so cool to see repentance becoming more of a regular thing in my heart and it is cool to see biblical support for it. 

So that is what I am learning this week. In no way am I able to reach my Savior on my own but through the blood of Jesus Christ I am saved and am cleansed by the power of the Cross and through repentance. Praise God for his grace! 

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" 
2 Corinthians 12:9  

Love, 

Allison 

Adopted.

Friends:

I am experiencing some tough things right now.

I get so upset with myself when I let things with my family consume me again. I have to consistently bring myself back to promises about Christ when I get into times like these.

Right now I am feeling so down and depressed. I cannot remember the last time I have felt this down and so it is really frustrating to me to be feeling this way. Lately I have been experiencing such joy in Christ despite circumstances but I think this just put it over the edge.

I did have something cool happen today, though. I have been really processing through the importance of prayer before diving into the Word and before turning to people amidst times of struggle and temptation instead of God.

Today as I was walking to my favorite coffee shop and I was hoping that someone would be there that I could talk to about all of the things going on. As I was processing that,  I stopped my thoughts and lifted up my concerns to my Heavenly Father. Praise God for answered prayer in revealing to me times when I need to be in communication with Him instead of going right to humans.

To be honest, my feelings still haven't really changed but it was a good reminder for me to know the importance of relying on the Lord to get me through.

Praise God for being consistent through all of my crazy emotions and all of the trials of this life. 

This weekend I went home with a friend for Easter (my family was out of town) and had some conflict with my parents on Saturday and due to lack of time and desire (mostly the latter) I avoided even thinking about it but it still affected every fiber of my being.

It made me doubt the joy that I can have in Christ. It made me doubt that Christ is a constant in my life when everything else seems to be going haywire. Today, I am resting in and constantly reminding myself of Gods nature.

Of His love for me and his desire to be a part of my life. Of His amazing promise of an eternity with Him after a faithful life on this earth. As a dear friend put it yesterday, "lets just go to live an alternative reality where there is no sin or commitments or things that suck. Wait. That's heaven. So ready for that!"  I can't wait for that day!

But while I am here and living my life on earth I must return to the presence of my great God. I must depend on the power of the Holy Spirit to get me through my days and not on my own power. I must give all of my life to Christ to use for his glory rather than using things that are happening in my life for pity or to glorify myself.

There it is, dear friends. All on the line in front of your eyes. I am broken and things get messy but this life is a blessing from a God who will never abandon me in my time of need and even better, has adopted me as His daughter forever. 

I am so grateful for my brothers and sisters in Christ who have the ability to point me back to the gospel. It makes my heart happy to be striving after Jesus with all of you and your ability to love me in the midst of my brokenness!

Thanks for reading friends! I really love you all! (Here is a video of how God continues to shape and transform my life! Please let me know if you have any questions! :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LMUrRW3zQM)

Anchor.

Goodness, I just can't believe how fast these last few weeks has flown by. I cannot believe that we are already six weeks away from the semester being over. 

Life is just crazy but I am super thankful for the time that I got to spend with Lord tonight! (and for the time to blog!) It is pretty rare for me to get such a substantial time with the Lord so that was pretty great and I learned some pretty sweet things. 

The She Reads Truth study on the Songs of Ascents ended today and I am just blown away with how God has used that to teach me SO MUCH about his character. The last day was about praise and how important it is for God's word to so deeply dwell in my heart that it brings about a natural joy that can only be because of the Holy Spirit. 

As I was processing through that and some questions that came along with the study I realized how beneficial memorizing scripture is. I realized that if I expect to be consistently seeking Christ in daily decision making, it is important for me to have knowledge of his scripture so that when I can't spend time in the Word I can be reminded of the beneficial and ultimate truths of His Word. I also think it will allow me to have my day be more revolved around being Christ centered instead of Allison centered. 

Going along with my life being Allison centered I have been reading Living the Cross Centered Life still and gosh is God using that to teach me so much about feelings. I am a very feelings oriented person. If I am feeling crappy then that directly effects the way I feel toward God and that is just so screwed up. 

The book talked about how my relationship with God is not qualified by a certain "passion" that I seem to expect. In reality that is just prideful. My emotions and feelings are unstable and unreliable and are not the ultimate truth. For some reason I find myself giving my feelings the job of dictating how I live my life and the way I make decisions. Wrong. 

Here's a quote that called me right out on all of things discussed above:

"The humble are those whose first response to objective truth from God's word is not to ask, 'how do I feel?' but to say, I'm not going to let my faith be determined and directed by the subjective and the experiential. Instead I confess openly before God that I will believe the objective truths of his word regardless of how I feel." C.J. Mahaney 

So there it is, friends. What God is teaching me right now. My life is not Allison centered it is God centered and in order to allow this to be consistent in my life I need to be in prayer and consistently allow the Word of God to dwell in my heart. Feelings follow submission. If I submit myself to my great God then feelings of  joy that can only be explained by Jesus will come. Those are the feelings I want to experience-the feelings of gratitude for a Savior that are so strong that they could only be coming from the Holy Spirit. "And these feelings will be reliable because they are anchored in truth." (Mahaney) Anchored. Father, shape my soul to be anchored by Your truths and not by my feelings. I praise You for Your consistencies even when my feelings aren't consistent. 

As Holy Week begins I am examining my heart to be focused on and anchored in Christ. Jesus, allow my heart to be wrecked, changed, and humble me in worship of you by drawing nearer to the Cross.

Thanks for reading! 

Love, 

Allison  

P.S: I realized I didn't post ANY of my picture from my trip so here is a gem! (courtesy of Matt Adachi!): 

Obedience.

God is so good. Sounds super cliche and like something everyone says but gosh, all I can do right now is praise God for the way He is working in my life. The joy that my Savior is bringing me right now is uncontrollable to hold in. I have had this continuous grin across my face since returning from my Spring break trip in Panama City Beach, Florida. 

This past week I had the opportunity to share the gospel on the beaches with college students. Throughout the week we attended conference sessions where we were trained in evangelism and motivated by the word of God. 

Throughout the week I uncovered some major sin issues that I was struggling with. One of the biggest things I realized was how much of my worth I was putting in my relationships with my family and friends. My relationship with God depended on how my relationships were going with those closest in my life and I quickly realized how harmful this is to my relationship with the Lord. 

Along with the sessions we also had lots of time to just hang out, laugh, and be silly. We spent our nights getting Shamrock Shakes and playing games. It was so fun just to enjoy each others company in an atmosphere that was laid back and minus the pressure of always having somewhere to be or something to do. 

Transitioning back to campus was a lot easier than I expected it to be. School work and the weather (although it wasn't that warm in PCB) were the only places that I found it difficult to transition back. I am struggling to find motivation to accomplish my school work but yesterday I sat at my favorite coffee shop and did homework for four hours and it allowed me to accomplish lots of my school work which was good. When I get those times of motivation I just have to run with it. 

In the days since being back I feel like I have been learning more about Jesus and His reasons for coming to earth. 

I started reading Living the Cross Centered Life by C.J. Mahaney over break and this book has just rocked me already and I am only on like chapter three. Here is a quote that has been centering my life since being back on campus: 

"Jesus' anguish on this earth was infinitely darker than any other death-shadowed valley you or I will pass through, but by better understanding his suffering, we'll grow in consistent joy and zeal that will equip us for whatever trials God brings our way in the process of sanctification."

So cool. As I was reading my devotional for She Reads Truth today my world was rocked again by Jesus. In this plan we are reading through the Songs of Ascents and today's reading was Psalm 131 and Philippians 2:3-11. The heading for today's devotional content was humility. Pride is something that I have struggled with a lot in the past so when anything relating to humility normally strikes a special cord in my mind. So, here is what I learned! 

When we think of Jesus as humble we think he was humble because he came down to earth as a man and our go to answer for why is because he loved us. This is true but there is so much more. In reading this I came to the realization that that this is exactly what I was thinking. I thought I fully understood humility but there is more to the story. 

Jesus came to earth and humbled himself because his Heavenly Father asked Him to. He lived and died for the glory of God. Jesus dying on the cross was an act of obedience. This is the life I want to live. I pray my life is reflective of Jesus in this life, that if my Heavenly Father asks me to do something I would do it even if it meant giving up comfort or even dying a death incomparable to all other suffering I have ever experienced like Jesus did. This obedience is where I miss the mark. Granted, I will always miss the mark, and that is why I need a Savior, but I so desire to live a life of obedience. That is the definition of humility to me- surrendering to my Savior and being obedient to his call. 

"When we think of how and why He died, our thoughts should be on how amazing it was He could follow the path set for him to the very end, even while we turned our backs on Him and He had His heart break for us." 

That's it folks. That is what I see as humility. Even though we as humans turned our back on Jesus he still followed the path laid out for Him by God for His people. For me and for you. I look at my life and I wonder if the people in my life turned their backs on me would I still sacrifice my life for them? I have struggled with the fear that people would turn on me for a long time. But right now Jesus is meeting me where I am at and proving to me that it is worth it. That even if people turn their backs on me He will remain faithful and he proved that with the Cross. 

On a closing note here is something my friend Nicole and I realized today (verbal processing is the best!):

The sufferings God put me through on this earth was preparing my heart for this realization. That in the midst of the suffering I am dealing with in this world, I was able to relate to Christ and He used my trials to help me understand just a tiny part of what Jesus went through when He went to the cross for me.

What a Savior.

Love, 

Allison 

Support Letter

Dear Friends and Family:

                I hope that this letter finds you well. Let me take a minute to update you on my life!  I am currently a sophomore at Illinois State University and am studying special education. I am very excited because next semester I will begin my major courses and will really start pursuing my passion of working with children with special needs. In addition to school and studies, I am involved in a ministry on campus called Cru (formerly Campus Crusade for Christ). Cru is an international organization that meets on over 3,500 campuses throughout the world.  The Lord has used Cru over the past two years to grow my dependence on Him and break my heart for the lost on campus and around the world.

This summer, I have been given the opportunity to follow God’s call on my heart to Berlin, Germany. Berlin is considered to be a “hub for the nations.” Berlin is home to over 100,000 college students from nearly every country in the world. It also boasts the second highest population of Turkish people outside of the country of Turkey. By sharing the gospel and reaching students in Berlin, we really do have an opportunity to reach the world. My team of 15 college students and I will spend five weeks allowing the Lord to use us on the three main campuses in the city. In addition to this work, I will be blessed to acquire valuable leadership skills, to meet with a discipler, to grow in understanding of God’s word, and to gain experience that will help me become a lifelong laborer for Christ.

In order for all of this to be possible, I need to develop a team of Ministry Partners. There are two different but equally important ways that you can join my team to reach the city of Berlin, Germany and help expand God’s eternal kingdom.  The total cost of my five weeks in Berlin is $5700. Raising this amount of money is very scary and requires me to take a huge step of faith in relying on the Lord but I am confident that He will provide. Would you prayerfully considering coming alongside me with a donation of $100, $50, or some other amount? One other amount that I would like to challenge you to prayerfully consider is the amount of $150—the cost of all of my expenses for one day in Berlin. Of course, any donation is appreciated.

As I prepare, I ask for prayer that I would trust the Lord and that I would be confident that He is going to use my time there. While I am there, I ask that you pray for the health of my team, that we would bond well, for safety, and that any anxieties I have about sharing my faith would be calmed. I also ask that you would pray that the Lord would, right now, be softening the hearts of students we will talk to and opening the door for significant spiritual conversations.

Thanks for taking time to read and for your willingness to consider supporting me. Because I will be travelling internationally and it will be difficult for me to stay in contact, I will be regularly blogging to keep my supporters updated.  My blog link is: Godislightallisonneal.blogspot.com. Thank you again!

In Him,

Allison Neal

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Yes! I would love to to partner with you in ministry to bring the gospel to university students in Berlin! 

• enclosed is a check made out to "Cru" for $___________
• I've given a gift of $__________ towards your ministry online at https://give.cru.org/068454
• I'm not able to give financially at this time, but want to pray for your summer project in Berlin. 
• I want to sponsor you for a day and have enclosed a $150 check. 
• I've included prayer requests or personal updates on the back ---->

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Gratitude.

Wow has it been a long time since I last posted.

I have been so insanely busy with exams since I need to do well this semester that I haven't given myself time to even think about my walk with the Lord or give thanks for the life he has given me. (Probably the biggest thing I have been realizing has been lacking in my life lately.)

Because of my exams and being so stressed I haven't really been in the Word which is something that typically I make sure is part of my day. Now that my exams are over I feel like I can breath a little but I definitely need to figure out how to balance school work and my time with the Lord.

I see such a difference in myself when I regularly am studying and digging into the Word in comparison to when that is lacking in my life. I find so much more joy in my life when I am daily spending time getting closer to the Lord.

Lately, even when I do spend daily time with the Lord I find myself just not feeling connected. Like there is some barrier between me and the Lord that is causing me to feel a lack of relationship. My whole life relies on a God that I can't seem to connect to right now.

My prayer is that I will find fulfillment in Christ whether or not I "feel" God because in reality is He is so constant that there is no struggle on this earth that could ever put a barrier between me and my relationship with the Lord.

I am reading a book right now which is at least helping me keep track with thinking about the Lord on a more consistent basis during the week. It is called 1,000 gifts and is a book about the importance of expressing thanksgiving to the Lord as a part of growing closer to Christ.

Since the fall of man in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve we, as broken people, have dealt with feelings of ingratitude toward what God has given us.

For Adam and Eve they weren't happy with what God gave them in the garden and yearned for more, for something different, for something of the world they thought would make them more content with God.

For me, the struggle with ingratitude has left a major hold on my relationship with the Lord. I am discontent with the things that God has given me and struggle with the fact that Jesus' death on the cross and a personal relationship with Him has possibility to provide so much more satisfaction than anything else this world could provide.

Just the fact that Jesus did die on the cross is enough; on top of that he has given me wonderful friends who also love Jesus, a family, and the ability to have a personal relationship with Him. So why is there still this frustrating gap I feel between me and God?

I wish that I had the answer to this question. That's where I am at.

This weekend I am heading to Indy to go to a conference called Every Student Sent. I am so excited! It is all about continuing to follow the Lord after college and I have heard its wonderful!

Thanks for reading friends! :)
Love,
Allison

Forgiven.

This week has just been wonderful. There has been a handful of birthday surprises still coming in and some wonderful convictions and truths about the Lord being so evidently revealed.

Last night at the weekly meeting for Cru the speaker spoke so much truth into my heart. As my friend pointed out it is the coolest thing when you feel like you are the only one in the room during a teaching. It is as if the speaker is talking directly to you and right into your life. That was my feelings exactly last night.

It is crazy how the Lord uses something so hard to point out some tough sin issues.I have been struggling with my dad since I came back to campus and the sin that is behind that was made so clearly evident to me yesterday.

The topic was forgiveness. Something that is a major struggle for me. It is easy for me to hold bitterness and anger against people. I remember when I was dealing with my dad my senior year my mom would always tell me not to let my dad take up space negatively impacting my thoughts and my life. That is exactly what is happening...I am letting my problems with my dad occupy every aspect of my life without even realizing it sometimes.

Then came the huge reality check.

Matt (the speaker) started out by sharing that the nature of human relationships is that people will sin against  me and I will sin against other people. Yikes. It really stinks that this is how relationships on earth must be but man does it make me even more excited to be in heaven and to be thankful for the consistent relationship I can be in with Jesus while on this earth, and rest in the promise that he will never ever sin against me.

As Matt was introducing his message he said "Maybe your parents are divorced and one is being selfish towards you...". Boom. That is my life. It suddenly felt even more applicable to my life. So then my question was well how do I do this? I knew it wouldn't be an easy thing to do but I was excited to see how the Lord was going to speak into my heart through this message.

He shared that I have a debt I cannot pay on my own because of how many times I sin against God and therefore my only hope should be in relationship with Christ because only he can make payment for me, and he has. So cool!

In having this relationship with Christ my attitudes should change from having a hardened heart towards people who wronged me to being able to extend forgiveness because of the grace I have experienced in Christ.

He then touched on the topic of emotions. I am a super emotional person so this was actually super helpful. He said that my negative emotional response to something is a clear indicator that something is wrong, especially if you can't stop thinking about it. Going back to what my mom says-if these negative responses are pulling me away from other things I am clearly sinning. This was probably the hugest take away that I got from this message because it so true and I have never really thought about it before.

I will leave you one last thought about the message...Jesus is the only person who will ever forgive more than be forgiven. Can I get an amen?!

To completely switch topics I was journaling today and was just thinking where I would be if I hadn't found Christ. I would be in such a dark and lonely place and would try to be filling my heart with worldly things that would never satisfy this God-sized hole in my heart. It just made me extra thankful that I have been able to find full satisfaction in Christ and that I am no longer lonely. Praise God for his goodness and constant faithfulness.

One last thing- I put in my deposit to go to Berlin, Germany for five weeks this summer! Can't wait to see the ways the Lord is going to work there as well as here as we prepare to go! :)

Praise Jesus with arms wide open this week- He is worth it!

Thanks for reading! Love you all!
Allison