Gratitude.

Wow has it been a long time since I last posted.

I have been so insanely busy with exams since I need to do well this semester that I haven't given myself time to even think about my walk with the Lord or give thanks for the life he has given me. (Probably the biggest thing I have been realizing has been lacking in my life lately.)

Because of my exams and being so stressed I haven't really been in the Word which is something that typically I make sure is part of my day. Now that my exams are over I feel like I can breath a little but I definitely need to figure out how to balance school work and my time with the Lord.

I see such a difference in myself when I regularly am studying and digging into the Word in comparison to when that is lacking in my life. I find so much more joy in my life when I am daily spending time getting closer to the Lord.

Lately, even when I do spend daily time with the Lord I find myself just not feeling connected. Like there is some barrier between me and the Lord that is causing me to feel a lack of relationship. My whole life relies on a God that I can't seem to connect to right now.

My prayer is that I will find fulfillment in Christ whether or not I "feel" God because in reality is He is so constant that there is no struggle on this earth that could ever put a barrier between me and my relationship with the Lord.

I am reading a book right now which is at least helping me keep track with thinking about the Lord on a more consistent basis during the week. It is called 1,000 gifts and is a book about the importance of expressing thanksgiving to the Lord as a part of growing closer to Christ.

Since the fall of man in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve we, as broken people, have dealt with feelings of ingratitude toward what God has given us.

For Adam and Eve they weren't happy with what God gave them in the garden and yearned for more, for something different, for something of the world they thought would make them more content with God.

For me, the struggle with ingratitude has left a major hold on my relationship with the Lord. I am discontent with the things that God has given me and struggle with the fact that Jesus' death on the cross and a personal relationship with Him has possibility to provide so much more satisfaction than anything else this world could provide.

Just the fact that Jesus did die on the cross is enough; on top of that he has given me wonderful friends who also love Jesus, a family, and the ability to have a personal relationship with Him. So why is there still this frustrating gap I feel between me and God?

I wish that I had the answer to this question. That's where I am at.

This weekend I am heading to Indy to go to a conference called Every Student Sent. I am so excited! It is all about continuing to follow the Lord after college and I have heard its wonderful!

Thanks for reading friends! :)
Love,
Allison