Goodness.

Being home has been a crazy blur! 

I have done so many things I don't even remember what day some of them were! I went to a basketball supporting one of my friends who survived her treatment for breast cancer, I saw The Nutcracker, I hung out with one of my teachers who has become one of my dear friends, I went to a fifth birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese, and I had a fun green themed evening with my sister and her friend! (we had Grinch floats, made corn flake wreaths, and watched The Grinch) 

After all of this I found myself getting caught up in all of these things and not paying attention to myself in multiple ways. 

One of these ways was physical. My throat started hurting the night after I got home and it just went down hill from there. I wasn't sleeping enough and I wasn't eating well and it messed me up. I am still feeling sick but I don't have strep throat so that is definitely a plus! I have a cough now but hopefully my body flushes this illness out quickly!! 

The next way I haven't been caring for myself since I have been home is spiritually. I have been getting into the Word pretty consistently but I have found myself not taking advantage of that time but instead just looking at it as something to check off my daily to do list or replacing it with something that I trick myself into thinking is better. 

Anyways, I am thankful to have realized all of this so that I can be more aware of it over the rest of break. 

I have been really thankful that God has been showing me a lot about grace this week. I feel like He has put me in specific situations where I have to give some extra grace. It is such an important way to show others Christ in me and something I need to be more intentional with while I am home where it is so much harder to do. 

As far as my family goes being home has been better than I expected. There has definitely been fights and rough days but overall we have laughed a lot and have been getting along pretty well. 

I am really thankful that although it can be hard to be home and not have a ton of friends here I have friends at school who have been keeping in contact with me, holding me accountable, and Snapchatting me! ;) 

It is so fun that even when I am not with my friends we can still talk often. It is so valuable to me. I already know it is going to be hard to be away from my close friends for three more weeks but at least social media makes it possible to keep in touch when we are apart! 

As Christmas is rapidly approaching I am realizing more and more every day the importance of remembering daily the reason for the season. Not only is it important to remember this but it is important for me to live this out all the time. As I am doing a study on advent I am learning what that looks like. 

After the shooting that occurred this week I was kind of shaken up. As a future educator it got me thinking how I would react in that situation. It is scary to think about the ways people act and the ways people are affected by others behavior. 

It also made me think about God's consistency again. No matter what evil and bad things happen in the world God is always good and he is always watching out for us. To be honest, it was hard for me not to doubt Gods goodness in this situation but then it hit me-people are broken, God can never be broken. 

How could I possibly doubt the goodness of an unbreakable God? 

It just made me all the more thankful and humbled that I am a servant of a perfect and holy God. 

Thanks for reading friends! I pray you are enjoying your break! Please let me know if there are any ways I can be praying for you! 

Sending love from Naperville! 
Allison 

Stand Firm.

I am writing this post at a time of struggle. 

I was really excited to go home this weekend and am now dreading it. I was even making a Christmas bucket list that I was looking forward to accomplishing with my sister and friends (not that that won't still happen) but then my mom told me she is struggling with something again that makes me so angry. 

I didn't even know how to react. The first reaction that I had was to just cry. I hurt for her. I long for her to be healthy. I want going home to be good but I just know due to my anger it is going to be hard to control that.

After crying and being VERY angry and both of us sending angry and hostile texts back and forth I had to stop and just think. 

I first had to remember promises of my perfect Parent. My parents, my siblings,and my friends will never be the way I want them to be and I need to accept that they aren't perfect and remember that I have a perfect God who meets and exceeds all exceptions. (This is something I have been wrestling with all semester.)

I came to the realization that I struggle and have temptations too and if God has grace for me then he most definitely has grace for my mom. I was also reminded that her sin struggles are in no way better or worse than mine. We are on even ground and I need to be respectful to her because of that. 

I realized all these things about my mom but I also realized some things about myself and my personal relationship with the Lord in these few short hours. It always amazes me how God can use such a negative situation positively. 

I was listening to a song by The David Crowder Band (my favorite Christian band) and one of the lyrics was "what I need is for you to bring me back on my feet." 

That is exactly what I needed. I needed to be encouraged by the Lord that he is constant and always there and he did just that. He showed me that only he can bring me back on my feet and back into a firm relationship with Him. Just as the name of this blog states, God brought me light today. He showed me the importance of standing firm on his name. 

I know I am going to need to rely on God so much as I go home and to fight the good fight. My prayer as I go home for myself is that God would deliver me, guide me, and strengthen me because I am going to need these things.

The really cool thing is that God can take hold of this if I give it up to him and I am grateful for his ability to do so. I know God can pull me through any and all situations that I will ever face and I am thankful for the promise of a perfect eternity. 

I am praying that I am seeking to find worth in the Lord and in His love for me rather than the lack of care I am feeling from people and in the world. 

To a few happier things...this morning I got to babysit with a friend for the staff kids for Cru. It is always nice to get off campus and kids make me so happy so that was really great to do that. 

I really am excited for my winter break bucket list!! I will probably end up blogging about it a couple times over break! I have a huge list of like thirty things so hopefully I get them all accomplished. 

In Nineteen days I leave on my cruise! Another very exciting thing to look forward to. 

Friends, thank you for reading and partnering in life with me. I really appreciate you. 

Enjoy your breaks and good luck on the rest of your finals (if you have them!)!

Love you all! 
Allison 

Constant.

I remember previously writing that I would come back from Polar Bear with my sweet kids and be so happy and oh boy is that an accurate statement! 

I went home on Thursday and was able to spend the night at home hanging out with my family (and cuddling with my kittens!) which was really great! I am learning to be more thankful and gracious towards my family and that is really important. 

I had the whole day Friday to just be at home because we weren't leave till five so it was nice to have a day to sleep in till eleven and watch t.v. and just take some time to rest. Rest is so important for me because I often find myself bouncing from one activity to the next without much thought. 

My mom dropped me off at the office building we all meeting at and I was instantly greeted with a million "ALLISON'S!" and hugs from my sweet kids. Immediately I felt a sense of joy and peace rush through my whole body. I was home and with those who love me so unconditionally and those who showed me what it looked like to be unconditionally loved by a gracious God. 

The weekend consisted of clubs with fun music and great talks, a color war, playing Phase 10, an open mic night, and a dance party. It was fun to just be there and be able to be silly and see kids see Jesus. 

The boy that I was working with for the weekend is just wonderful. We were singing the song "How He Loves" which has been a theme for our clubs since the beginning of the year and this boy (who is non-verbal) was smiling and looking up almost like he was feeling Jesus it was the coolest thing! :) 

I came home and headed back to campus ready to finish out the semester. 

I was talking to a friend yesterday about my growth this semester. I haven't really given myself time to think about the ways that I have grown so it was good to talk about it with her. I realized that I learned a lot about Gods consistency. 

In the past it has been easy for me to base my relationship with Christ on emotions but I am learning how powerful it is to rely on God no matter my emotions and I have seen a huge change in the way I look at my relationship with God. 

It brings me so much joy to know that His love never changes. 

I am doing an advent study right now and it is really cool to see it start from the beginning in Genesis. In the garden when Adam and Eve first fell into sin and became the broken and sinful people that we are today God made it clear that there was a promise for a redeemer. 

"And I will put an enmity between you and woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head and you will strike his heel." Genesis 3:15

The enmity spoken of in this verse is grace. God is going to return Eve to himself and away from Satan. The between "your offspring and hers" is referring to those who love self and those who love God. 

Even in the very beginning of the creation of man the promise of a savior was made. I can honestly say I have never explored this or realized this in this way so that was really cool. It is so great to see how constant God has been since the very beginning. 

I am ready for the semester to be over but I am not ready to leave campus. It is always hard to go home on a break especially when community is lacking at home. However, I know the Lord will provide women to hold me accountable and to be in community with because God provides and he is good. 

My family is going on a cruise for a week though so that will be pretty darn great! :) 

Please let me know if there is any way I can be praying for you! Be bold this week, friends. Be bold in prayer, in conversation, and in relationships. I thank and praise God for all of you reading. 

Thanks for reading I am so blessed to have such great friends! :) 

Love, 
Allison 

Rejoice Always.

Break was such a mix of craziness. Overall I would definitely describe break as good but there was definitely some speed bumps that came along with being home but I guess that can only be expected. 

My break involved a trip to Medieval Times, getting coffee with friends, visiting my kids at school, seeing Pitch Perfect with some of the kids I babysit, shopping with my sister, cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and attending a second Thanksgiving dinner and there celebrating the recovery of a dear friend from cancer. So much to be joyful about and yet I just wasn't. 

When I am home it is often difficult for me to find joy within my family. Like any family it is difficult to get along all the time and they know just how to push your buttons to make you upset. In no way am I innocent in this because I totally know how to push the buttons of my family. However, I love my family and I am so thankful for them. I know God is going to use the circumstances that we have been placed in. 

Life just got really crazy. There was some things that occurred in my house that made it difficult to get along with my parents. I need to be really careful not to act like I know better than my parents but trust that the Lord is having them do what they do for a reason. 

My walk with the Lord was also difficult for me while I was home. It is easy for me to make myself really busy and not focus on the promises of the Lord. 

Some struggles were revealed within my family this weekend too and it was just hard to hear. I know the Lord will use these things but it is hard to believe it when you see those close to you hurting. I wouldn't say that I am angry with God but things like this definitely affect my relationship with the Lord. 

Coming back to school has been an adventure. I am not quite sure how I am feeling...right now all I am doing is processing and that is all that I can do right now. I don't feel happy nor do I feel sad...I just feel like I am existing and that is so hard. I want to have a loving relationship with the Lord and I am just not enjoying his presence as much as I normally do. 

That being said that does not mean that I am no being taught things by the Lord because I totally am. It is so great to see the Lord teaching me things throughout tough times. 

The Lord is teaching me that no matter the time of year to be thankful for Him and the things He has blessed me with. I was challenged to make a list of all the blessings the Lord has given me. It is easy in times of hardship to only think negative so it is good to look back on the list and remember the amazing life God has blessed me with. 

I was also shown through a dear friend the importance of praying confidently. God has the power to move mountains and if I pray big he will give greatly. One way I am seeing the importance of this is the Greek ministry. I am meeting with one of the Cru staff members to start discussing the Greek ministry and I ask for prayer in this. I ask for BIG PRAYERS! Pray that so many women in these houses would learn to love the Lord and pray that I wouldn't be prideful about the things that happen there. It is easy for me to take the credit but it is GOD and the HOLY SPIRIT that is going to do huge things for this campus!!! 

I am also being reminded of the promise that is the name of this blog. God is LIGHT...there is no darkness in Him. No matter how much darkness I am feeling right now God is a light for me no matter the circumstance. His love never fails and it endures forever. Now that is something that I can be grateful for! 

I am also reading Philippians with She Reads Truth and read a verse today that said "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" (4:4) Gosh I love when the Lord reveals His truths right in His word and right when I need them. Just again telling me to be joyful in the Lord no matter the circumstance. Rejoice always my dear friends! 

My focus needs to be on Christ always. I need to be giving up every worry that I have about my family to the Lord because only He can have power over it and bring me peace through it. 

This weekend I am going home (even though I was just there!) and take some of my kids that I work with on a Polar Bear weekend with Younglife. I am so excited. I know I have said this before but seeing this gets worship Jesus is so beautiful! I am excited to be in a different place and spend time with the Lord as well as time with my kids with special needs. Pray for energy for the leaders and for understanding of the kids that can understand the promise of the gospel. 

I praise God for my friends that are loving me so unconditionally and patiently despite my tough time and I am so grateful for them. God is so good to me it is just taking me some time to want to believe that. Thank you for reading dear friends and know you are loved. I would love to hear from you and be praying for you! 

Thanks for reading dear friends! 

Allison 

Joy in Christ.

It is so great to be home but there has definitely been ups and downs. 

This weekend included a quiet time at Starbucks, Younglife Access club, Medieval Times for Johns' birthday, and a GREAT church service. 

I am so happy to have time to rest and to sleep in!! I feel like I don't always have this luxury at school so it is a beautiful thing when my eyes open at ten o'clock and I feel fully rested and refreshed. 

On the flip side of that coming home can be hard too. It is hard to split the time between my parents and it is easy to get angry with my family. For some reason my family is good at making me more angry than anyone else. My dad and I have always had a hard relationship and this weekend was no exception. We definitely had our good moments but this was a really tough weekend for me. 

I have been doing this daily devotional with some friends and we just finished a study of Colossians! (shereadstruth.com or on the IPhone you can search for their plans on You Version!) 

Here is some things that I learned: 

• I have been sent on a special assignment by Christ as a part of God's master plan. 
• The importance of remembering my high calling for the kingdom. 
• The power of praying for friends. 
• The way Christ sees me: "You are holy and blameless as you stand before Him without as single fault" Colossians 1:22 (SO GREAT!!!) 
• Suffering isn't fun and I can't avoid it BUT if I am finding strength in and relying on the Lord he will make much out of my struggles. 
• In order to stand strong when a storm hits I must have deep roots in Christ. 
• It is Christ I need to be living for each day and thus I am covered by his grace. 
• The importance of making the best use of my time no matter the season or circumstance. 

It always amazes me how much Christ uses His word to teach me. The book of Isaiah has been popping up randomly in my life so I have decided to start a study on the book of Isaiah as well as the Thanksgiving study just started today by She Reads Truth. I am excited for how the Lord is going to use His word for the rest of the semester and the rest of my life! 

I just want to briefly share about church on Sunday. It was way good especially because I was coming into it bitter and angry with my family. It was awesome to worship my perfect heavenly father. He talked about how during John the Baptists' ministry he gave all he had to Jesus. It is easy for me to set expectations for how God should fill me or how God should respond but only God knows what I really need and if I seek to be obedient to God's will what what God thinks I need could be something really hard. 

This was the coolest thing ever...Jesus sought to live a life obedient to God and he God put him through some hard stuff. God sent Jesus to live a human life on this earth and in doing this Jesus suffered for the will of God. Throughout Jesus' life his best friend betrayed Him, He was beaten, He had Gods' wrath poured on Him, He carried and was nailed to a cross...and all of this happened because He was living the will of God. 

It just made me think how easy it is to let challenges ruin my spiritual journey but Jesus proves the importance of not stumbling over trials in this life. There is something better at the end of the tunnel. "Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." (1 Corinthians 15:58)

I have a couple prayer requests! I ask that you would pray that I would learn to unconditionally love my family and that I wouldn't be so quick to anger and I ask that I would allow God to meet all of my expectations that I have for people because He so does!! 

I want to take some time to share somethings I am so thankful for! Gosh, I feel like there is way too many to list....:) 

I am so thankful for Jesus and the cross and I am learning the importance of being thankful daily for the cross even when its hard. I am thankful for my great friends! Gosh, I just don't know what I would do without my friends. There are way too many of you to list but thank you for being there for me, loving me, and having so much grace for me. 

I thank all of the families that have allowed me to enter into their lives. It is so meaningful to have beautiful people in my life that about me and love me so much. Thank you for opening up your homes to places I can go when being home myself is difficult. Of course, I am thankful for my family and for their love for me always. 

I am thankful for school and for a life that makes me so happy. I am most thankful for the joy that I have found in the Lord. I have learned that happiness and unhappiness has so little to do with circumstances but when I have Jesus everyday in my life I am just so happy. I am so grateful and proud to say that I have found freedom from depression and anxiety because of the Lord and that is certainly reason to be thankful! 

Thanks for reading friends and please send any prayer requests my way I would love to be praying for you! Thinking of all of you and I am so thankful for you!! 

:) 

Allison  

Freedom.

I cannot believe how quickly the weeks are going here. The semester is winding down. As I am reflecting on this semester and how quickly the days go I am realizing that I don't seek to glorify God in my everyday activities or look for God actively working in my life in daily things. It easy to get in the mindset that God can't work in a big lecture hall and that is just not the case. I am coming to the Lord in prayer this week to reveal Himself to me and bring me joy in daily, and sometimes seemingly mundane, life. 

Speaking of prayer I shared in the past how prayer has seemed to be a non-existent part of my life lately. Through many events that happened this past week I have sought out time to sit in silence and just talk to God. It makes me wonder why I don't take that time more often. It is so relieving to talk to God about things and feel no judgement but instead feel His grace wash over me. 

This week I have been doing  a study by Beth Moore (an amazing Christian author/speaker) called Real Freedom: The Journey, The Stories. It was a short study that looked at five different aspects of Christianity that hinders me from living a life full of freedom in Christ. 

She introduced the study by reminding me that "a Christian is held captive by anything that hinders the full and effective Spirit-filled life God planned for her." (I LOVE that Beth Moore writes to women-it makes it feel so much more personal!) She also shared that Christ came to set the captives free, bind up the brokenhearted, and to open the eyes of the blind. 

She shares the benefits I have as a result of being a child of God. I get to know God and believe Him, find satisfaction in God, glorify God, experience God's peace, and enjoy God's presence. I feel so insanely blessed to have these beautiful benefits...and the best part is that I don't even deserve them but because of the cross and Jesus' sacrifice these have been given to me. To me, that is the beauty of loving Jesus. 

Beth Moore starts the first chapter with an important point. The moment I accepted Christ was the moment that I could confidently approach the Lord. Christ has already done all of the work all I must do is acknowledge I am a sinner and cannot save myself and acknowledge that Christ is the son of God and only He can save me. Because of that I can and must believe that His crucifixion was for personal sins and His death was on my behalf and give him my life and ask Him to be my savior. 

The largest obstacle that there is in believing God is unbelief. (2 Cor. 5:7) Every believer is going to experience unbelief at one point or another in their life. Unbelief for me would be doubting in the abilities and promises of God and then falling into the lies of Satan. 

The next chapter reminded me that I am created for God's glory and God's glory far exceeds anything I can comprehend. Glory is the way that God makes himself known or shows himself mighty and recognizable. However, in order for God to show His glory thorough me I must overcome the temptation to seek my own glory by desiring His instead. This temptation is described as pride. (Something I definitely struggle with.)

My pride covers my heart from the Lord. God desires to set me free from my past but my pride keeps me from believing this truth. My pride doesn't like to be told what to do especially by God's Word.   Pride makes my mind believe that that my sin is a secret. 

When I humble myself before the Lord I am acknowledging that He is great and I am not. 

I have learned that my sincere hope as I serve others needs to be that somehow people will see God's glory in my. I know that that is going to take a lot of prayer and trust in the Holy Spirits power...because after all God IS all powerful. 

She then discussed the problem that is idolatry. This is a huge one that it is easy to fall into. Our society so encourages social media and I think that is a huge place that I see taking  over my time more than my time with the Lord. 

When I dig into the deeper issue I realized that I am seeking satisfaction in the world when in reality God created me to only be satisfied in Him. Only Jesus is absolutely satisfying. 

Then she talked about prayerlessness. Basically, prayer is a huge aide in finding peace. Prayer is a great prescription for anxiety. Peace comes from an active, ongoing, and obedient relationship with Christ. Even Jesus sought out prayer...it is so prideful of me to think that I can go without when in reality the whole reason that Jesus came was to give me that relationship where I could be in prayer with the Lord. 

It is really easy for me to believe that there are other things that are more tangible than prayer such as talking to a friend but by communicating with God I begin to enjoy a "continual supply of strength to walk in peace even in a war zone." If I grant God complete access to my heart, mind and soul I will be free to rest in Him. (Matt. 22:37)

The final chapter warned the believer to beware of legalism. This could look like having a check list of things to do to maintain your walk with Christ. ("I have to read my bible today") It also shows itself when I am looking at others faults but this stops me from examining the conditions of my own heart. It also could occur when my motivation for doing things is other than love and devotion for God. 

I have grown so much from this study and have learned so many things about finding true freedom in Christ over the course of this semester. 

This weekend was crazy and emotional but absolutely amazing! On Friday night we had women's time. It has always been very difficult for me to be open with women and I was able to share some really personal thing and it was so eye opening to how powerful that can be. They also had a men's and women's panel to answer some anonymous questions which was really eye opening. 

We went to dinner for my dear friend Sabriah's birthday and it was great to spend time with her and other great friends. Then we had all campus worship where people from different ministries come together in one band to lead two hours of worship and prayer time. Oh man you could feel the Holy Spirit in the room. It was beautiful to see so many hands raised all for the same God!!!! 

It was such a Holy Spirit present (not sure if that makes sense :)) weekend. I just saw the Lord moving in people all over and it was beautiful. It makes my heart so warm to be in fellowship with other believers. 

Thanks for reading my incredibly long post! :) I love you all! 

Love, 
Allison 

Filled.

Wow, it has been quite a long time since I last wrote. I have to be completely honest this week was really really tough. 

I have mentioned this in the past but I am still really struggling with it. I just don't like when I don't feel God moving in my life and although I know that it doesn't change my position in Christ it is hard to remind myself of that often. 

I have been really discouraged with a lot of things that are happening in my life and when things aren't going well it effects many things around me. 

I am a very verbal processor and so it doesn't really affect my relationships because if I don't talk about things then I am not going to realize anything out of them. I am thankful for the few people that I got to really be vulnerable this week. I am thankful for the people who just listen. That is very powerful to me when someone can just listen and tell me that it will be okay and give me great Christ centered advice. 

I went to a wedding this weekend and it was just beautiful. The couple truly love the Lord and it is so cool to see the picture that Christ has for his church in their relationship. 

Nothing else very exciting happened this week that is worth writing about. It was just a bland and very plateaued week. 

Tonight however was not bland in any sense of the word. :)

I have started regular babysitting for a family once a week. They come pick me up from campus and I get to go to their house and hang out for a couple of hours. 

When I walked in today one of the little boys came up and was giving me kisses on the hand. He said that now I was a part of their family because you are only supposed to give kisses to people in your family. It feels so good to have a home away from home here and a place where I feel so loved by everyone in their house! (even the dog!) 

Whenever they bring me back to campus the mom and I get to spend some time to just talk and I am so thankful for the time that we get to spend talking. 

We talked a little bit about being filled in Christ tonight and about doing things that fill you up and it was such a powerful conversation. 

I wasn't feeling filled this week but after that I feel filled. I feel like we were able to be real with each other and she spoke so much truth in my life. At home I am so connected with families that are not my own and I love them so much and so I feel blessed to find a family to be connected with on so many different levels! I even got to help out with their family photos this weekend! :) 

Just when I feel like I have been kicked to the ground God pulls me right back up. I had a really great quiet time (something that has been majorly lacking in my life this week) when I got back today. I spent some significant time in prayer-also something that has been non-existent-and in the word and just worshiping God for all His love. 

I am praying that I would see God this week in the little things and not just in big moments. I am praying that the Holy Spirit would show me what it looks like to live a life of no doubts in my all powerful God. I really struggled this week with doubting some things that the Holy Spirit was telling me and believing lies that were, as I look back on it, from Satan. 

The story talked about Jesus being hungry and that he went up to a tree and it wasn't bearing fruit only leaves so he told it to wither and it immediately did. It just again proves how powerful Jesus is. The verse that finished this part of the chapter struck an extremely powerful cord in me. 

"Truly I tell you. if you have faith and do not

doubt not only can you do what is done to the fig tree,

but also you can say to this mountain, 

'Go throw yourself into the sea',

and it will be done. 

If you believe, you will receive whatever

you ask for in prayer" 

Matthew 21:22-23

God sure knew tonight (and always knows) what scripture to put in my hands and what songs to play on my Pandora channel! i was reminded tonight that never is anything by chance but always at Gods hand and plan. 

I love you all thanks for reading! 

Allison